Season 9 Quotes Page 1 of 73

Searching Search quotes

Quote from Penny in the episode The Bachelor Party Corrosion

Penny: What are you doing back?
Leonard: We got a flat and couldn't get the tire off.
Penny: Oh, I'm sorry.
Leonard: Thank you.
Penny: If it makes you feel any better, I pierced Amy's ears and her mom made her sit in my closet.
Sheldon: We blew up Feynman's van.
Penny: My dad killed my pig with his tractor.
Leonard: I spent the night in Mexico with Sheldon.
Penny: You win.

Quote from Amy in the episode The Opening Night Excitation

Amy: Okay, what is going on?
Penny: We just want you to be prepared for any surprises that could happen tomorrow.
Amy: What surprises?
Bernadette: We don't want to spoil anything, but you should know that Sheldon said he's ready to be physical.
Amy: You shut your damn mouth! You actually heard him say this?
Penny: Yes, he said he wants to do something to show you how much you mean to him.
Amy: I can't believe it. I don't know what to say.
Bernadette: Well, we're really happy for you and we know how much-
Amy: I do know what to say. Let's get me waxed!

Quote from Penny in the episode The Earworm Reverberation

Penny: So you have a song stuck in your head. It happens to everybody.
Sheldon: Well, I'm not everybody. I have an eidetic memory. I should be able to remember what song this is, but I can't. Something's wrong with me.
Penny: I told you if we were patient, he'd figure it out for himself.

Quote from Leonard in the episode The Earworm Reverberation

Sheldon: This song is never going to stop.Have you ever dealt with something so relentlessly irritating?
Leonard: That's a trick question, right?

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Opening Night Excitation

Penny: You guys just got back together. You might not want to ditch her on her birthday.
Leonard: I think Penny has a point. You can see it another day.
Sheldon: But someone might spoil the movie. No one can spoil Amy's birthday for me. Surprise, she's even older. Who saw that coming?
Penny: Aww, that's nice. Put that on her cake.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Opening Night Excitation

Sheldon: (3 knocks) Penny! (3 knocks) Penny! (3 knocks) Penny!
Bernadette: What happens if I say come in?
Penny: Well, find out.
Bernadette: Come in!
Sheldon: (silence)
(3 knocks) Bernadette! (3 knocks) Bernadette! (3 knocks) Bernadette!
Penny: Come in!
Sheldon: Keep it up. I've got nowhere else to be.
Bernadette: Just come in.
Sheldon: For future reference, if I want to watch Mean Girls, I'll just stream it on Netflix.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Opening Night Excitation

Sheldon: Then it's settled. Amy's birthday present will be my genitals.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Separation Oscillation

Leonard: I'm not being weird. Am I being weird?
Sheldon: Yes. And that's coming from me.

Quote from Leonard in the episode The Matrimonial Momentum

Leonard: Penny. We are made of particles that have existed since the moment the universe began. I like to think those atoms traveled fourteen billion years through time and space to create us, so that we could be together and make each other whole.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Earworm Reverberation

Sheldon: This is Leonard. He's your best friend in the world.
Leonard: All right, just stop. This is ridiculous.
Sheldon: Sometimes he gets cranky, but you can trust him with your life. And he does more things for you than I can even begin to list.
Leonard: Thank you.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Opening Night Excitation

Sheldon: Oh, I should probably tell you something about this gift.
Amy: You mean, before you give it to me?
Sheldon: Yes. But may I ask you a question before I give it to you?
Amy: Of course.
Sheldon: Why are we saying give it to you like that?

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Earworm Reverberation

Penny: Well, she did soften your life, didn't she?
Sheldon: Yes! She's like the dryer sheets of my heart!

Quote from Leonard in the episode The Earworm Reverberation

Sheldon: I remember the song! It's called "Darlin'" by the Beach Boys! Oh, thank goodness! I'm not crazy! I don't have to take a pigeon as my bride!
Leonard: There goes our shot at him living on the roof.

Quote from Bernadette in the episode The Opening Night Excitation

Penny: Okay, let's just recap our options. We've got harp thing, sheep thing-
Bernadette: Wild thang.

Quote from Sheldon in the episode The Separation Oscillation

Sheldon: Thankfully all the things my girlfriend used to do can be taken care of with my right hand.

Showing quotes 1 to 15 of 1,086Sort by  popularity | date added | episode

Submit Quotes