Amy: Okay, what is going on?
Penny: We just want you to be prepared for any surprises that could happen tomorrow.
Amy: What surprises?
Bernadette: We don't want to spoil anything, but you should know that Sheldon said he's ready to be physical.
Amy: You shut your damn mouth! You actually heard him say this?
Penny: Yes, he said he wants to do something to show you how much you mean to him.
Amy: I can't believe it. I don't know what to say.
Bernadette: Well, we're really happy for you and we know how much-
Amy: I do know what to say. Let's get me waxed!

Sheldon: Oh, I should probably tell you something about this gift.
Amy: You mean, before you give it to me?
Sheldon: Yes. But may I ask you a question before I give it to you?
Amy: Of course.
Sheldon: Why are we saying give it to you like that?

Penny: So what's going on?
Sheldon: I don't know. I looked around the room, and I saw all the faces and the presents, and it it was just too much.
Penny: I get that. Hey, you want to just bring a few people in here? You know, Wil Wheaton in the bathtub, Batman on the toilet. It'll be like the weirdest Comic-Con ever.

Penny: So you have a song stuck in your head. It happens to everybody.
Sheldon: Well, I'm not everybody. I have an eidetic memory. I should be able to remember what song this is, but I can't. Something's wrong with me.
Penny: I told you if we were patient, he'd figure it out for himself.

Amy: Hold on. You're getting married and you didn't invite me?
Penny: It was kind of a spur of the moment thing.
Amy: Wow. Hope I can catch the bouquet from here.

Penny: Oh, it's Leonard. He says Sheldon's drunk and they're gonna do karaoke if we want to join them.
Penny: That sounds fun.
Amy: Oh, no. Sheldon's drunk texting me.
Bernadette: What's it say?
Amy: "Would you like to sing karaoke with us."
Bernadette: How is that a drunk text?
Amy: He used a period instead of a question mark. He's so wasted.

Professor Proton: Oh, great, this again.

Sheldon: (3 knocks) Penny! (3 knocks) Penny! (3 knocks) Penny!
Bernadette: What happens if I say come in?
Penny: Well, find out.
Bernadette: Come in!
Sheldon: (silence)
(3 knocks) Bernadette! (3 knocks) Bernadette! (3 knocks) Bernadette!
Penny: Come in!
Sheldon: Keep it up. I've got nowhere else to be.
Bernadette: Just come in.
Sheldon: For future reference, if I want to watch Mean Girls, I'll just stream it on Netflix.

Bernadette: So, you're really going out with Dave again?
Amy: Why not? He's actually a very nice guy.
Bernadette: But he spent an entire date talking about how much he loves Sheldon.
Amy: That's nothing Sheldon hasn't done before.

Sheldon: This song is never going to stop. Have you ever dealt with something so relentlessly irritating?
Leonard: That's a trick question, right?

Sheldon: Then it's settled. Amy's birthday present will be my genitals.

Sheldon: Hello.
Leonard: Hey, buddy, can we have some privacy?
Sheldon: Of course. Wouldn't want to intrude. (takes red bra out of his pocket and hands it to Penny) This is yours.
Penny: Okay, when I'm done with him, I'm gonna need more information.
Sheldon: Nothing odd. I just wanted to rub Amy's nose in it.

Sheldon: Thankfully all the things my girlfriend used to do can be taken care of with my right hand.

Leonard: I'm not being weird. Am I being weird?
Sheldon: Yes. And that's coming from me.

Sheldon: All right, this goes against everything I stand for, but desperate times call for desperate measures. (Kneels down to pray) Lord, this is Sheldon Cooper, you're good friends with my mom. I know I've spent my life denying that you exist-
Howard: Got them!
Sheldon: -and I will continue do so!