Season 9 Quotes Page 1 of 73
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Penny: Hi, how was the screening?
Leonard: Oh, Sheldon invoked Rosa Parks to make somebody who cut the line feel bad, but only the white people felt bad.
Penny: Ugh, I should've never bought him that colouring book that explains Black History Month.
Leonard: How'd it go with my mother?
Penny: Uh, you know, it started a little rocky, but I think we got to a good place.
Leonard: Wow. Well done.
Penny: Yeah, and when I dropped her off at the hotel, she even gave me a hug.
Leonard: Did she think you were choking or ...?
Penny: Um, so listen, I don't know if you have any plans next weekend, but I kind of promised your mom we'd have another wedding ceremony so she could attend this time.
Leonard: Wait, we're gonna get married again?
Penny: Yeah, kind of, but now we can invite our friends and family.
Leonard: Seems like a lot of trouble for a hug.
Penny: Come on, it'll be fun, and, you know, your mom was genuinely hurt we didn't invite her to the first one.
Leonard: Look, in our defense, it was kind of a spur of the moment thing, and also, we don't like her.
Penny: Leonard, come on, she's your mom. If we can do something to make her happy, why wouldn't we?
Leonard: I just said why, we don't like her.
Penny: Hey, look, then forget about her, let's do it for us. We could keep it small and informal. This time we can invite our families.
Leonard: Is your brother out of prison?
Penny: Thanks to overcrowding, yeah.
Leonard: I'd love it if my dad could come.
Penny: Oh, you have to invite him. I haven't seen him since the divorce.
Leonard: Oh, he's like a different man. He stopped twitching, and I think he grew an inch and a half.
Penny: Well, then it's settled. Yay. So funny. I never thought my second marriage would be to you.
Penny: Okay, so it's not a legal ceremony, it's just a chance for us to redo our vows so everyone can be part of it.
Amy: So there's no maid of honour?
Amy: Huh. But if I were to, say, wear a purple satin dress with a sweetheart neckline and stand near you, you wouldn't be able to stop me, right?
Penny: I don't see how I could.
Amy: Then I graciously accept.
Bernadette: Who's going to officiate?
Penny: I was kind of hoping you would.
Amy: Wait, now I'm just some lousy maid of honor?
Sheldon: Hey, good news, I just got off the phone with my mother. She is coming to the wedding.
Penny: Okay, wait, you're inviting people to our wedding?
Sheldon: Yes, I'm inviting people to our wedding. Yeah, I've already asked Stephen Hawking and Robert Downey Jr, and, now don't get your hopes up, 'cause he's pretty busy, but Erno Rubik.
Bernadette: Who's Erno Rubik?
Sheldon: Seriously? He invented the Rubik's Cube.
Penny: Okay, fine, but why would you invite him to our wedding?
Sheldon: Because, despite his fame and fortune, he strikes me as a lonely man.
Beverly Hofstadter: How dare you invite your father without consulting me.
Leonard: Sorry, but I don't think I need your permission to have my father at my wedding.
Beverly Hofstadter: You do understand our marriage ended because he had an affair.
Leonard: I know, and there's no excuse for that.
Beverly Hofstadter: He claimed I was cold, emasculating, and hadn't shown him any physical affection for years.
Leonard: I was wrong, there's three excuses for that.
Howard: Hey, I just got an e-mail from the U.S. Air Force.
Raj: Open it.
Howard: Hmm. "We request a meeting at your earliest convenience regarding your quantum guidance system, provisional patent 62/295118." That's weird.
Raj: Is there a window around here we don't know about?
Howard: I'm sure it's just a coincidence.
Raj: Yeah, of course. What else could it be? (loudly) Boy, do I love America!
Mary Cooper: Thank you for picking me up.
Sheldon: Oh, you're welcome.
Mary Cooper: I was speaking to your young lady.
Amy: My pleasure, Mrs. Cooper.
Mary Cooper: Oh, please call me Mary.
Amy: Okay, Mary.
Sheldon: You know, that doesn't work for me, let's stay with Mrs. Cooper.
Mary Cooper: Sheldon, don't be silly.
Sheldon: Wh-, what? That's what I called you 'til I got to know you better.
Mary Cooper: It was so nice of Leonard and Penny to invite me.
Sheldon: Well, actually, I-
Amy: It sure was.
Mary Cooper: I've always had a special place in my heart for Leonard. Taking care of my baby all these years.
Sheldon: Excuse me, I take care of him.
Mary Cooper: Sure you do.