Season 3 Quotes Page 1 of 46
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Raj: I don't like bugs, okay. They freak me out.
Sheldon: Interesting. You're afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.
Sheldon: Why are you crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid.
Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.
Mrs. Wolowitz Howard, are you having a playdate?
Howard: I don't have playdates. I have colleagues.
Mrs. Wolowitz Do their parents know they're here?
Howard: No, but if you keep screaming, maybe they'll hear you.
Zack: How can you bounce a laser off the moon if there's no gravity?
Wil Wheaton: Hey look, they named their team after me!
Bernadette: Does your mother call you every day at work to see if you had a healthy lunch?
Howard: My mother calls me every day at work to see if I had a healthy bowel movement.
Zack: One question. How can you be sure it won't blow up?
Leonard: The laser?
Zack: The moon.
Sheldon: One ring to rule them all.
Rajesh: One ring to find them.
Wolowitz: One ring to bring them all.
Leonard: And in the darkness bind them.
Rajesh: Holy crap are we nerdy!
Sheldon: I made tea.
Leonard: I don't want tea.
Sheldon: I didn't make tea for you. This is my tea.
Leonard: Then why are you telling me?
Sheldon: It's a conversation starter.
Leonard: That's a lousy conversation starter.
Sheldon: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.
Raj: I'm going to be deported. Sent home in disgrace. Exposed to the sardonic barbs of my cousin Sanjay or, as you may know him, Dave from AT&T customer service.
Raj: Hey, Leonard?
Raj: I haven't had sex in a year.
Leonard: Where are you going with this, Raj?
Raj: Don't flatter yourself, dude.
Leonard: What would you guys do if you were me?
Wolowitz: I would take Sheldon to Switzerland.
Wolowitz: Absolutely. And I'd leave him there.
Penny: So what do you say Sheldon, are we your X-men?
Sheldon: No, the X-men were named for the X in Charles Xavier. Since I am Sheldon Cooper, you will be my C-men.
Raj: If I could speak the language of rabbits, they would be amazed, and I would be their king.
Leonard: I hate my name. It has 'nerd' in it. 'Len. Nerd.'
Wolowitz: I lost my virginity to my cousin Jeanie.
Raj: I would be kind to my rabbit subjects. At first.
Howard: Sheldon, you remember the first few weeks we were looking for magnetic monopoles and not finding anything, and you were acting like an obnoxious, giant dictator?
Raj: I thought we were going to be gentle with him.
Howard: That's why I added the '-tator'.