Season 3 Quotes Page 2 of 50
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Beverly Hofstadter: So, Howard, have you and Rajesh finally summoned the courage to express your latent homosexual feelings towards one another?
Leonard: Penny, I told you if you don't put him in his crate at night, he just runs around the apartment.
Sheldon: Now remember, you were given powerful pain medication and a muscle relaxer, so don't operate heavy machinery, and try not to choke on your own drool.
*Sheldon is is about to leave.*
Penny: Wait! You have to help me get into bed. (laughs) "Sheldon has to help me get into bed". Bet you thought I'd never say that!
Sheldon: Yes. Charmed. Your drug-addled candour knows no bounds.
*Sheldon follows her to her room after shutting the door. He pulls down the covers to help Penny into bed.*
Penny: You know people think you are this weird robot man who's so annoying all the time and you totally are. But then it's like that movie Wall-E at the end. You're so full of love and you can save a plant and get fat people out of their floaty chairs.
Sheldon: That's a fairly laboured metaphor but I appreciate the sentiment behind it.
Penny: Sing 'Soft Kitty' to me.
Sheldon: 'Soft kitty' is for when you're sick, you're not sick.
Penny: Injured and drugged is a kind of sick.
Sheldon: (sitting on the bed next to her) Soft Kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur...
Penny: Wait wait. Lets sing it as a round. I'll start. Soft Kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur... *Sheldon doesn't join in.*
Penny: So that is when you come in. I'll start over. Soft Kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur... Still nothing from Sheldon.
Penny: I've got all night Sheldon. *She starts again.*
Penny: Soft Kitty, warm kitty...
Sheldon: Soft Kitty, warm kitty... *They both sing the entire song together.*
Howard: Sheldon, you remember the first few weeks we were looking for magnetic monopoles and not finding anything, and you were acting like an obnoxious, giant dictator?
Raj: I thought we were going to be gentle with him.
Howard: That's why I added the '-tator'.
Penny: Look, can we just forget about this extra stuff and can you just tell me what Leonard does?
Sheldon: Alright. Leonard is attempting to learn why subatomic particles move the way they do.
Penny: Really? That's it? Well, that doesn't sound so complicated.
Sheldon: It's not. That's why Leonard does it.
Raj: With your American accent, everything you say sounds stupid.
Sheldon: I am not crazy, my mother had me tested.
Sheldon: This is the temperature you agreed to in the roommate agreement.
Leonard: Aw, screw the roommate agreement!
Sheldon: No, you don't screw the roommate agreement. The roommate agreement screws you.
Leonard: Don't worry about the moon. We, we set our laser to stun.
Leonard: Now, we'll be able to see the beam when it leaves, but it won't be strong enough when it comes back to be seen by the naked eye.
Zack: (chuckling) Naked.
Raj: Ooo, big talk from a man who was once treed by a chicken.
Howard: Hey, ma, can I have lamb stew for dinner?
Mrs. Wolowitz: Lamb stew? I'd have to go to the supermarket.
Howard: Please? I got a real hankering.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Oh, I can't say no to my little tushie face. I'll be back soon.
Sheldon: You did this, didn't you?
Wil Wheaton: Come on, Sheldon, do you really think I'd break up a couple just to win a bowling game?
Sheldon: No, I suppose not.
Wil Wheaton: Good. Keep thinking that.
Leonard: Black beans, not pinto beans?
Leonard: Double guacamole?
Sheldon: Of course.
Leonard: Lettuce shredded, not chopped?
Leonard: No cilantro?
Leonard: You understand why I'm doing this to you?
Sheldon: I do.
Leonard: That will be all.
Howard: Are you planning on kidnapping a woman?
Howard: Yes, but mixed with genuine concern.
Penny: I give up. He's impossible.
Sheldon: I can't be impossible; I exist. I think what you meant to say is, 'I give up; he's improbable'.