Season 9 Quotes Page 1 of 73
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Sheldon: Just a few more signatures, and we'll be finished. Initial here to acknowledge that you've returned your key. Okay. As my future neighbor, I'd like you to have a key. Initial here to acknowledge you received it.
Raj: Okay, and here's the hook. "Thor and Dr. Jones. Thor and Dr. Jones. One plays with lightning. The other plays with bones."
Leonard: What are we going to do?
Sheldon: Perform the experiment immediately.
Leonard: I'd love to, but we need liquid helium and our shipment's on back order for a month.
Sheldon: A month? What? Are you kidding me? That would have been a good time for you to soften the blow.
Leonard: That shirt brings out the blue in your eyes.
Sheldon: Thank you. Aren't you sweet?
Wyatt: I've been sitting on a little news myself.
Penny: Well, what is it?
Wyatt: You know that rototiller I got for the tractor?
Wyatt: Oh, you should see it. It is a beautiful piece of machinery. Anyway, uh, I backed over your pet pig with it.
Wyatt: Yeah, he's, uh, not dancing anymore.
Penny: You killed my pig?
Wyatt: I did not kill him. The vet took care of that.
Wyatt: Oh, ten, twelve months ago.
Penny: You didn't tell me for a year?
Wyatt: Well, apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it? Love ya, slugger. Gotta go.
Mary Cooper: All right, everyone, calm down. Let's all remember what it says in the Bible: "He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty."
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, dear woman, can you please read another book?
Mary Cooper: When God writes one, I will.
Sheldon: She's still not answering.
Leonard: My father's not texting me back.
Penny: 'cause they both turned their phones off.
Sheldon: I don't like this at all.
Leonard: I don't like it either.
Penny: Really? 'cause I love it.
Leonard: What is happening there?
Sheldon: I think it's pretty obvious. They don't want dessert 'cause they filled up on bread.
Alfred Hofstadter: Now, one of the more exciting things to be found recently is that Neanderthals and Homo Sapiens frequently mated with each other.
Mary Cooper: Well, that certainly explains my marriage to Sheldon's father.
Sheldon: That's funny because my father was not a very clever man.
Amy: I'd be lost without you.
Leonard: Uh, I would like to propose a toast to my wife and bride-to-be.
Sheldon: See, that's funny because-
Amy: Back to your phone.
Alfred Hofstadter: I, uh, I would also like to make a toast.
Alfred Hofstadter: Leonard, I am so happy that you have found a woman who loves and cares for you.
Beverly Hofstadter: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Alfred Hofstadter: Why don't you take a pill?
Beverly Hofstadter: Like you did before sex?
Alfred Hofstadter: What I really needed was a blindfold.
Sheldon: (To Alfred) If I'd known you were broke, I wouldnt have made a big deal about the bread. (Moves a basket of bread over to Alfred)
Leonard: Penny, I've always known I loved you, but this last year has shown me that I also love being married to you. Thank you for saying yes.
Penny: Oh, thanks for asking until I did.
Penny: So, what did we miss?
Alfred Hofstadter: Oh, just Mary and I getting to know each other a little.
Mary Cooper: Leonard, your father is just charming.
Beverly Hofstadter: He's also broke. Did he mention that?
Amy: What took you guys so long?
Leonard: Oh, we were following Howard, but for some reason, he turned off his headlights and went up a one-way street.
Alfred Hofstadter: So, after your husband passed, you never remarried?
Mary Cooper: No, just focused on work and the church.
Alfred Hofstadter: Ah. And what do you do?
Mary Cooper: I work at the church.