Sheldon: Leonard's about to demand a job that I don't think the university will give him. I'm worried he's making a giant mistake. But maybe I only think that because deep down I don't want him to succeed.
Amy: The fact that you're worried about your motivation supports the idea that you genuinely care for your friend.
Sheldon: I do. Thank you, Amy. You know what? After I've talked to Leonard, you've earned yourself a bonus lecture on Sponge Hulk.
Amy: That'll show me.

Leonard: It's a pep talk he made when he was a kid. He gave it to me years ago and told me to save it for a real emergency.
Penny: What? You didn't break it out when he declared his room a sovereign nation and waged a trade war against us?
Leonard: His major export is talking. I didn't want that anyway.

Sheldon: Are you all right? You seem distracted.
Amy: Yeah, sorry. I'm just trying to figure something out.
Sheldon: Is it what to get me for our anniversary? 'Cause I'll give you a hint: it's already in my Amazon basket. Just click "buy now." I filled out the gift card for you. Apparently, I'm the light of your life.

Raj: Recently, 12 new moons were discovered orbiting Jupiter, bringing the total up to 79.
As a middle child myself, I'd like to extend my sympathies to moons two through 78. Your grandpa will never learn your name. I'd like to thank you for joining me on this journey through the stars. If you enjoyed this lecture, please come back Thursday for the exact same one.

Amy: How's this for a compromise? Make all the schedules you want, just don't tell me about them.
Sheldon: Excellent. I'll create an algorithm that'll generate a pseudo-random schedule.
Yeah, and do you know why it won't be a true random schedule?
Amy: Because the generation of true random numbers remains an unsolved problem in computer science.
Sheldon: Come with me.
Amy: Where are we going?
Sheldon: To the hotel room. And when we get there, I'm gonna need you to say that again, except naked.

Sheldon: It's happening! [phone chimes] Unknown caller. It's got to be them.
Amy: Okay, put it on speaker.
Sheldon: Hello?
Amy: Hi.
Barry Kripke: Hello. This is Sweden calling. Is this Dr. Cooper and Dr. Fowler?
Sheldon: Yes.
Amy: Yeah.
Barry Kripke: Congratulations. It is my pleasure to inform you that you've won the Nobel Prize in being suckers!

Bernadette: You okay? You seem distracted.
Howard: I'm just thinking about Raj.
Bernadette: I'm thinking about Chris Hemsworth.

Stuart: Where are the kids?
Howard: I thought they were with you.
Stuart: What? No!
Howard: I'm kidding. They're at daycare.
Stuart: What about me makes you think my heart can handle that joke?

Beverly Hofstadter: Yes?
Leonard: Hello, Mother.
Penny: Hey, Beverly.
Beverly Hofstadter: Hello, Leonard. Hello, Penny. To what do I owe this call?
Leonard: I need your professional advice.
Beverly Hofstadter: Well, I'd love to help you out, dear, but I'm very busy at the moment. Perhaps we can schedule a time next week.
Penny: It's about Sheldon.
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, well, I-I suppose I can spare a minute or two.
Leonard: Wh-Why did you just say you're too busy, but-
Beverly Hofstadter: Leonard, please, not everything is about you.

Sheldon: All right, I've kept you in suspense long enough. "Dutch" is a bastardization of the word "Deutsch," meaning German.
Penny: What's German for "annoying"?
Sheldon: Nervig. Why do you ask?

Amy: Okay, all hooked up. Here we go. Oh, look how cute you were!
Sheldon: Amy, please, of course I was cute. Look how I turned out.

Sheldon: Now, wait, wait, are you trying to exclude me?
President Siebert: Look, Sheldon, you're a brilliant man, but your people skills are-
Sheldon: This is not barbecue sauce! This is steak sauce! What are you trying to pull?
President Siebert: Like that.
Sheldon: This is ridiculous. It is my work, too, and I am perfectly capable of keeping it together for an interview.
President Siebert: Okay. Say somebody asks if you feel your work is derivative of the work of Professor Joseph Polchinski.
[Sheldon's face starts twitching violently]
Amy: Seriously, can we get this man some barbecue sauce!?

Sheldon: Why are you watching that?
Amy: I'm just looking to see if there's anything left of your speech.
Sheldon: It's not important. I remember everything I said.
Amy: And?
Sheldon: It was good, it just would've meant more coming from me.

Raj: Sounds like someone's in there.
Bernadette: My God, what if Sheldon and Amy are getting robbed?
Howard: Or worse, what if they're back early?

Stuart: Do you still want to go out with me?
Denise: Absolutely. Hey, maybe we can go find Nemo together.
Stuart: That's a good one.
Denise: Do your 63 other crayon friends know you're out?
Stuart: Are you just gonna make fun of me all night?
Denise: Probably.
Stuart: Great. So what are we thinking, Chinese?
Denise: Yeah, I'm in the mood for orange chicken.