Penny: Amy doesn't want a pocket watch.
Sheldon: Maybe she wants a man with a pocket watch.

Amy: Jewelry? Seriously? Sheldon, you are the most shallow, self-centered person I have ever met! Do you really think another transparently manipulative - Oh, it's a tiara! Put it on me, put it on me, put it on me, put it on me.

Sheldon: Hard as this may be to believe, it's possible that I'm not boyfriend material.
Leonard: Glad I was sitting down for that.

Wolowitz: I mean, even Donkey Kong had Donkey Kong Jr. so he could teach someone how to kidnap princesses and throw barrels at Italian plumbers.

Sheldon: You were right, the tiara was too much.

Sheldon: I don't think there's anything in this jewelry store that Amy would appreciate more than the humidifier that we were just looking at at Sears.
Penny: Oh, my God, now I know what I sound like to you when I say stupid stuff.

Wolowitz: My mother can be a pretty good shoulder to cry on. If the smell of Ben-Gay doesn't burn your eyes.

Penny: You look beautiful.
Amy: Of course I do, I'm a princess and this is my tiara!

Sheldon: Remarkable. Diamonds. Crystalized carbon. Every day, people go to the grocery store and come home with sacks full of carbon, in the form of charcoal brickets, which they toss in their barbecues and set on fire. But just because you have some carbon with the atoms stacked neatly, you expect me to plunk down thousands of dollars.

Mrs. Wolowitz Has she tried on the vest yet?
Howard: I just gave it to her.
Mrs. Wolowitz I hope it fits. She's a tricky figure. She's short and stacked, like me.

Sheldon: Coins lodged in body parts is not a source of amusement. When I was five, Billy Sparks put a Mexican peso up my nose.
Howard: How is that not amusing?
Sheldon: It's still there. Takes me forty-fives minutes to get through airport security.

Howard: Look, I made Sheldon disappear. Ta-da.
Leonard: Next time, you should lead with that.

Penny: Ooh, look who's out on a date. Pasadena's favorite power couple, Shamy.
Sheldon: And that is the answer to the question, what is wrong with eating at The Cheesecake Factory.

Penny: Sheldon, what is wrong with you?
Sheldon: Not much. Although, I can be faulted for being overly fond of koala bears. I don't know what it is, but when they start munching on eucalyptus, I just melt inside.

Leonard: Buy her something.
Sheldon: How does that work?
Leonard: Well, you skip over any attempt to repair your emotional connection and you win back her affection with an empty financial gesture.
Sheldon: Well, that approach has Sheldon Cooper written all over it.