Sheldon: Think of me as Arthur Dent in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, lying in front of the bulldozers to protect his home.
Leonard: If you'll recall, the Vogon fleet blew up the Earth anyway.
Sheldon: It's a made up story, Leonard. I don't know why you're even talking about it.

Sheldon: Wait, is this really worth it? We've lived together for years without ne'ery an argument, but we start talking about a table and suddenly we're at each other's throats.
Leonard: Ne'ery an argument?! Ne'ery!?!
Sheldon: That means not one or not any. Maybe instead of a table you should buy a dictionary.
Sheldon: (To himself) Well, I don't know whether I won that but at least he's upset.

Raj: This (wand remote control) might be my second favorite brown magic wand.
Howard: Well, that's the last time I play with that.

Raj: This is so much better than watching TV like a muggle.

Raj: I just want you to know I'm happy to look in on Bernadette while you're gone.
Howard: Thank you.
Raj: And if anything were to happen to you, we will name our first born son Howard. I'm just kidding, we'll name him Daleep after my grandfather.

Penny: Ooh, this one looks nice.
Leonard: No, Sheldon doesn't like reclaimed wood.
Penny: Why not?
Leonard: He's afraid the original owners will come back.

Penny: You're a grown man. You should be able to pick whichever Hobbit you want. ... I wish you wouldn't, but one problem at a time.

Leonard: You make a lot of sense. I like this table and I'm getting it.
Penny: Really, this one?
Leonard: That one.
*Penny nods*
Leonard: Damn right I like that one.

Howard: Hey. Good news, somebody in this room gets to take a ride on a rocket.
Bernadette: Fine. Can I at least shower first?
Howard: No, not that. Although you already agreed to it, so no takebacks.

Sheldon: My spot on the couch has a great view of a window. Sometimes I can see space battles through it. It's called a TV.

Sheldon: I have spent years turning this lump of clay in to an acceptable conduit for my will. Then you came along and reshaped him with your new fangled ideas and fancy genitals.

Penny: Oh, please. When I first met you, you were incapable of touching another human being. Now you're holding hands, going on dates, you even made out with her on a train.
Sheldon: She told you?
Penny: Of course she told me. It's the most interesting thing that's ever happened to her in her entire life.

Leonard: You're too close to it, but Amy has had a huge impact on your life.
Sheldon: You're right. Without realizing it, I have allowed that women to alter my personality.
Leonard: Sheldon, you didn't have a personality. You just had some shows you liked.

Sheldon: I've changed. Like the frog who's put in a pot of water that's heated so gradually, he doesn't realize he's boiling to death.
Penny: Or you're the frog who's been kissed by the princess and turned into a prince.
Leonard: Or you're just a tall, annoying frog.

Raj: First off, know that we love you and cherish you.
Mike Rostenkowski: Well, I wouldn't go -
Bernadette: Daddy.
Mike Rostenkowski: You're great.