Sheldon: You're mean to me a lot. You think I don't notice all those sarcastic comments and those eye rolls, but I do. I have excellent peripheral vision. On a good day, I can see my ears.

Penny: Why are there tears?
Leonard: Everything's fine. We just started talking about living arrangements.
Amy: Are you crazy? You know he's a flight risk!
Sheldon: That's exactly what I told him.

Penny: Sheldon, we know this is a sensitive subject, and Leonard's not going to move out until you're ready.
Sheldon: What if you did it gradually?
Leonard: All right, how about we start with two nights a week I live with Penny?
Sheldon: How about one night and I let you whistle?
Leonard: Okay.
Sheldon: When I'm not home.

Howard: It's not like Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, right? Some bald guy with horns isn't going to rip my heart out?
Raj: Dude, that movie's an imperialist fantasy that makes the followers of a beautiful and peaceful religion look like a bunch of blood thirsty barbarians.
Howard: You love that movie.
Raj: Yeah, it's pretty great.

Howard: I'm surprised to see you suddenly get religious.
Raj: Why?
Howard: Because I've known you for ten years, and you've never gone to temple. You've never talked about believing in God. And last Diwali, I watched you eat two pounds of sacred cow at a Brazilian steak house.

Howard: As a scientist you believe the way to understand the universe is through facts and evidence. And now you're counting on some blue chick with a hundred arms to help you?
Raj: That is so offensive. Does everything you know about Hinduism come from Indiana Jones?
Howard: No, there's also Apu from The Simpsons.

Penny: Not really a great outfit for work. Unless something opens up in the Hookers & Whores department.

Penny: Do I really force you to do things you don't want to?
Amy: Yeah, but it's okay.
Penny: How is it okay?
Amy: I promised myself if I ever got friends I'd do whatever they said. Really, I'm lucky you found me before a cult did.

Sheldon: I don't understand why women insist on making a big production about buying clothes.
Penny: You're right. We should do what you do, have our mom send us pants from the Wal-Mart in Houston.
Sheldon: They have a man there who understands my personal style.

Sheldon: Oh well, there were plenty of ways to pass the time before smart phones were invented.
Leonard: That's true.
Sheldon: *Goes to grab phone* Son of a biscuit!

Sheldon: What kind of store in the 21st century doesn't at least have WiFi? I'm gonna call their corporate office.
Son of a biscuit!

Sheldon: I don't know why you're so surprised. If there's one thing I know after living with you all these years, it's how to compromise.

Leonard: That is not a compromise. A compromise is me driving you everywhere because you refuse to learn how.
Sheldon: Oh, I learned how. Amy taught me.
Leonard: What?! Then why don't you do it?
Sheldon: Well, it's scary, and sometimes I get the pedals mixed up. But more importantly, driving me to work is one of the things that gives your life purpose. I can't take that away from you, so what do I do? Come on, I'm practically feeding you the answer. I compromise.

Raj: Before you finish, is this a story about patience or waiting, or just another reminder that you went to space?
Howard: A story can do two things.

Howard: You work in pharmaceuticals. Don't you have anything you can give him?
Bernadette: All I have is our new urine flow drug. Won't help with his anxiety, but it's so strong, when he pees he'll fly around the room like he's got a jet pack.