Amy: Do you realize it took me five years to get a massage from him?
Beverly: Oh, well, that still could be a big step for Sheldon.
Amy: Three minutes. And he used a kitchen timer. I felt like a soft-boiled egg.

Amy: Sheldon, just tell me.
Sheldon: It might be easier to show you.
Amy: Okay.
Sheldon: We'd have to take your car.
Amy: All right.
Sheldon: And I'm gonna need you to sign a non-disclosure agreement.
Amy: Well, I signed one before we slept together. Why not now?

Amy: Sheldon, why don't you get a new computer? You know that one's out-of-date.
Sheldon: Oh, but I like this computer.
Amy: The video is failing, and the sound is cutting out.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, I didn't get that.
Amy: The video is failing, and the sound is cutting out.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, one more time. The sound is cutting out. (Amy holds up a sign) I can't read that. The video is failing.
Amy: Get a new computer.
Sheldon: What?
Amy: Get a new computer.
Sheldon: What? (Answering phone) Hello?
Amy: Get a new computer!

Amy: As you know, I had planned a traditional evening of romance and gifts.
Sheldon: Yes, and as you know, I planned to pretend to enjoy it. I've been working on this facial expression all day.
Amy: And I appreciate your effort, but upon contemplation, I decided I was being selfish. So, I canceled our dinner reservations and came up with an even better way to celebrate Valentine's Day.
Sheldon: What is that?
Amy: By doing none of it. No dinner, no romance, no gifts. We stay here, order a pizza and watch one of your beloved Star War Trek things.

Amy: I love his eidetic memory, it's so sexy. Sheldon, what are the ingredients in Pringles?
Sheldon: Dried potatoes, vegetable oil, corn flour, wheat starch, maltodextrin, salt, and my favorite ingredient of all, uniformity.
Amy: The uterus quivers, does it not?

Amy: If you die and donate your body to science, I promise to slice your brain like Canadian bacon.

Amy: It seems like the appropriate thing to do when one's best friend finds herself replaced by a smart, beautiful woman with the smouldering sexuality of a crouched Bengal tiger.

Amy: When I get married, I'm going to register at the UCLA Cadaver Lab.
Penny: Eww, why?
Amy: 'cause I've always wanted a whole human skeleton and they are really spendy.

Sheldon: I had a 101 fever. If that's not a time to verbally abuse my loved ones, when is?
Amy: Sheldon, when you're sick, you can be unbearable. That's why your friends have been known to work late or sneak out to the movies or stay at a neurobiology conference three days after it's ended.
Sheldon: You stayed in Michigan all week to avoid being around me?
Amy: No, no, not just that. I mean Detroit is beautiful when it's sleeting.

Amy: Sure, his mom gets roses. When I want them, they're a "bouquet of severed plant genitals."
Sheldon: You act like I didn't get you that mushroom log on Valentine's Day.
Amy: He's right. Roses die, but a moist rotting log will pump out mushrooms for two or three magical years.

Amy: Usually when someone's being talked about behind their back, it's me and it's right in front of my face.

Raj: You can't leave. You're a murder suspect in the mysterious death of Stuart Bloom.
Bernadette: I didn't know his last name was Bloom.
Amy: Yeah, it's Bloom.

Penny: If Harry Potter's wand can make decisions, why can't Thor's hammer?
Amy: Okay, if you are going to start comparing wands and hammers, I can't even take you seriously.

Amy: Check this out. I took the liberty of scripting a new outgoing voice mail message for both of us.
Sheldon: Hello. This is Sheldon.
Amy: And this is Amy.
Sheldon: We're not home right now.
Amy: 'cause we out dropping science, son.
Both: Leave a message.
Amy: Beep.

Amy: He knew as your girlfriend I wasn't going to let him bring a table in to your apartment. I mean, a table? Come on!