Howard: Hey, I grew up in this house, okay? No one's knocking anything down.
Bernadette: Okay, okay. *to Raj* When he's at Comic-Con, I'm bringing in a wrecking ball.

Bernadette: No, here's how love works. You're gonna return the machine or you can print out a working set of lady parts and sleep with those.
Howard: [pondering]
Bernadette: Oh, my God! Are you actually thinking about it?

Bernadette: Anyway, it'll be a nice surprise for the boys. And Howie doesn't think I take his interests seriously, so hopefully this will keep him fooled for a while.

Amy: Did you watch Professor Proton when you were a kid?
Bernadette: No. My dad controlled the TV, so unless someone was a Texas Ranger, Jake or the Fat Man, we didn't see it.

Bernadette: I now pronounce you husband and wife. And weird other husband who came with the apartment.

Bernadette: Did you eat all my yoghurt?
Howard: You mean the one that makes ladies do the thing that ladies pretend they don't do even though they do?
Bernadette: You know... which yoghurt I mean.

Bernadette: Howie?
Howard: What's up?
Bernadette: Why does your Fitbit say you ran 174 miles yesterday?

Bernadette: Hey, you want to swing by that place tonight and get a look at this guy?
Penny: We don't even know what time they're gonna be there.
Bernadette: I'll just call the restaurant, pretend I'm Amy and check the reservation.
Penny: Damn, you're sneaky.
Bernadette: Yeah, but I'm little, so it's adorable.

Penny: You want food?
Bernadette: Yeah, breastfeeding burns, like, 5,000 calories a day. (To Amy) Do not touch that phone!

Bernadette: I've got a sexy new tube top that says come hither and a bottle of pepper spray that says close enough, Jack!

Bernadette: Oh, boo-hoo, you're not going to space!

Penny: Am I being naive?
Bernadette: I don't know. This is all so new to me. I'm still processing.

Penny: Oh, Stuart. Now I kinda feel bad for murdering you.
Raj: Oh, come on!
Bernadette: Penny did it! I win! Suck it, jackasses!

Amy: Did you lie to Howard about tonight?
Bernadette: Of course.
Amy: And you don't like feel guilty about it?
Bernadette: Between Penny's gorilla movie and Howard's gorilla mother, I had no choice.

Penny: What do you think?
Bernadette: I don't know what to think, but then I just found out about it.