Penny: Boy, you know, when Sheldon sees you in that dress, he's gonna want to methodically take it off, fold it up, carefully place it in a storage box, label it, and then ravish you.

Bernadette: He's using some kind of dating app on his phone.
Penny: Oh, which one? Maybe we can get Amy to try it.
Bernadette: I don't know. Stuart, can you come in here? He tried to explain it to me.
It shows you pictures of people nearby, you swipe them around, it looks kind of like a game.
Penny: Oh, and if you lose the game, you have to go out with Stuart.

Penny: Okay, does everyone remember the rules? If he's shirtless, one sip. Posing with a pet, two sips. Pet and shirtless, chug like it's your job.

Penny: Seriously, none of you liked it?
Bernadette: I thought it was brave. Does that count as liking it?
Penny: You know, how come nobody's talking about Howard's dopey haircut?
Bernadette: I think he looks cute.
Howard: And I think you're cute.
Raj: I think you're both cute.
Penny: I think I hate all of you nerds.

Penny: Come on. Anything can happen. We could push him down the stairs!

Penny: Hello, Leonard. I was gonna write you an e-mail, but I'm a little drunk, and spelling is a sober person's game, so I feel I owe you a 'splanation. I-- I'm sorry. A 'splanation.

Leonard: What number were you putting in? You don't know my birthday, do you?
Penny: Yes, I do.
Leonard: Well, what is it?
Penny: May.
Leonard: May what?
Penny: I'm not gonna say your password out loud. That is not secure!

Penny: Wow, I didn't think anything could top last night's spelling bee, but here comes math.

Penny: You know, if anything, he's turning me into his mother. Before I did pharmaceutical sales, I was an actress. You know, I was pretty good. You know, girl-next-door type, but hot. Doable.
Dr. Gallo: Hmm.
Penny: And not only am I Leonard's mother, but we have this man-child living with us named Sheldon.
Dr. Gallo: Oh, Leonard talked a lot about him. I wasn't sure if he was real.
Penny: Yeah, he's as real as the fine I get when I use too much toilet paper.

Leonard: And what's it called when you secretly get rid of all your husband's stuff?
Penny: Wha-That is not true!
Leonard: Bernadette told Howard, Howard told me. Plus, I can see all my stuff is gone!
Penny: Oh, so, you believe your friend, and your friend's wife and your own eyes over me? Wow.

Leonard: So, the guys and I were talking about renting a party bus and everyone going to Vegas.
Penny: Oh, that could be fun. But just to be clear, you mean a party bus with booze and music, right, not, like, juice boxes and video games?
Leonard: Yes. And Howard's birthday was a drop-off party. You didn't have to stay.

Penny: Oh, my God, that's right. You gave me your laptop. That was so sweet.
Leonard: So you know where it is?
Penny: Of course.
Leonard: Great!
Raj: All right!
Howard: Yes!
Penny: I gave it to my ex-boyfriend Zack.
Leonard: No!
Howard: Why?!
Raj: Come on!

Penny: What was that?
Amy: I need to prove to my mother that I'm on a date. If she thinks I faked the picture, I might need you as a witness. What's your name?
Penny: Bernadette.

Leonard: Does it at least pay well?
Penny: Less than I made at the Cheesecake Factory.
Leonard: What does your agent think?
Penny: She's thinking of taking a job at the Cheesecake Factory.

Penny: Anyway, who cares what I think?
Amy: I do. You're the-the coolest, prettiest, best-dressed person in my life.
Penny: Okay, that would be flattering, except I know all the people in your life.