Penny: Oh come on, he's a grown man. He can take care of himself.
Amy: You really believe that?
Penny: Once again, you got me.

Amy: How can he not remember a day?
Penny: Well, people who are abducted by aliens lose time. I mean, maybe it happens to the aliens, too.

Sheldon: Hello.
Amy: Why did you tell Leonard you're working on the gyroscope tomorrow?
Sheldon: Because I am.
Amy: But you said you were working with me.
Penny: Uh-oh, someone's got two dates to the nerd prom.

Penny: Oh, let me guess. You guys are drafting your fantasy accounting firms.

Amy: Why don't you just tell him you don't want to go?
Penny: I can't, it'll break his heart. You know, he's always making an effort to do things with me he doesn't enjoy, like going outside.
Amy: He is an indoor cat.

Bernadette: When you moved here, you didn't have a lot of money. How'd you get by?
Penny: Well, sometimes you can get free food and Wi-Fi from the neighbors. Just know you might have to marry one of 'em.

Leonard: Penny's gonna call her dad and tell him it's not a good time for Randall to visit.
Penny: Hopefully, he won't be too upset.
Leonard: Oh, you're his little girl. He can't stay mad at you.
Penny: He won't be mad at me. I mean, you're the one who doesn't want my brother to come, so-
Leonard: So you're gonna throw me under the bus?
Penny: Oh, I'm gonna throw you so hard, I might actually win a stuffed animal.

Leonard: He really worked with the Drug Enforcement Agency?
Penny: He didn't know it 'til he was cuffed, but yeah.

Penny: Pink wine and pizza bagels? It's like eighth grade all over again.

Penny: Is it normal for the husband to kind of completely stop giving a crap?
Bernadette: Uh-oh, what's going on?
Penny: Well, Leonard used to do all these things, like bring me flowers and wear pants.

Raj: Don't come to the hospital. We're headed home.
Penny: Oh, that was fast. Did she sneeze the baby out?

Leonard: You're good at revenge; how do we get him back?
Penny: Well, my go-to move is usually sleep with the person's boyfriend, but I kind of feel like I'm already doing that.

Raj: Well, I can't eat like a ten-year-old all the time.
Penny: You're dating somebody! Who is it?
Raj: What? What are you talking about?
Penny: You only watch what you eat when you're afraid you might have to take your shirt off.

Penny: I can't believe I'm saying this, but can we watch the news or something?

Leonard: Which is why I got you this Pink Power Ranger. Put it anywhere you like.
Penny: Okay, but you may feel some discomfort.