Sheldon: That was ambiguous.
Raj: Well, now it's biguous.

Leonard: Hi. Hey, Raj, will you be joining us for dinner?
Raj: The lonely guy and the two happy couples? I'd rather get a prostate exam from a leper who walks away with nine fingers.

Raj: I don't believe in tempting fate. Same reason I wouldn't use a ouiji board or pick a fight with an Asian guy. Probably doesn't know karate, but why risk it?

Howard: How are you today, Mr. Can You Believe These Jackasses?
Raj: Just dandy, Mr. I Wish I Was Better At Improv.

Howard: There you go again.
Raj: I'm sorry, have I been complaining about it too much?
Howard: Actually, what you're doing is pretending to complain, but really trying to brag.
Raj: How could you say that?
Howard: (imitating Raj) Oh, I wish could enjoy a cup of tea without a naked girl bouncing up and down on me.
Raj: I never said that.
Howard: (imitating Raj) Don't you hate it when you can't remember whose bra it is you found wedged in your couch?
Raj: Okay, that I said. But that's a real problem. You give a girl another woman's bra, and you will not be having sex with her that night. Maybe the other girl, but not her.

Raj: Hey, it's not my fault if American women project their fantasies on foreigners with the kind of magical voice that grants wishes.

Raj: He is so cool! No hard feelings, but I'm throwing my hypothetical bra at him.

Raj: Okay. So we've got three briskets, four meatloafs, one lasagne.
Howard: No, that's noodle kugel.
Raj: One Jewish lasagne.

Howard: Okay, how about this? Let's invite everyone over to dinner. It'll be like Ma's feeding us one last time.
Bernadette: I love that.
Raj: Me too. Oh look, we've got enough ketchup to cover every ounce of it.

Lucy: I'm kind of broken.
Raj: That's great. I'm broken, too.
Lucy: Oh, no you're not.
Raj: Oh, I totally am. If it wasn't for this beer, I couldn't even talk to you right now. I'm a wreck. There are many things seriously wrong with me. And not quirks, either. Like diagnosable psychological problems. Maybe brain damage.
Lucy: Well how do I know you're not just saying that?
Raj: Go out with me on one date. I promise you, you'll see.

Raj: Go away. She wants New Delhi, not Kosher deli.

Howard: Ow. Damn, paper cut. Nothing worse than a paper cut.
Raj: Well, obviously you don't remember your circumcision.

Bernadette: Why don't you just call tech support?
Sheldon: Hey!
Howard: Whoa!
Raj: Not cool!
Bernadette: What?
Howard: There's two kinds of people in this world. Those who call tech support and those who make fun of the people who call tech support.

Raj: The lead of the Hunger Games is a woman. Marvel has made Tor a female.
Penny: Who's Tor?
Raj: You know, Tor, the god of tunder.

Howard: Hey, I just got an e-mail from the U.S. Air Force.
Raj: Open it.
Howard: Hmm. "We request a meeting at your earliest convenience regarding your quantum guidance system, provisional patent 62/295118." That's weird.
Raj: Is there a window around here we don't know about?
Howard: I'm sure it's just a coincidence.
Raj: Yeah, of course. What else could it be? (loudly) Boy, do I love America!