Raj: So, uh, when do you want to meet up?
Claire: Uh, I'm almost off work. What are you doing now? Right now, well- Well, actually, tto be completely honest, I'm stopping by to see my ex-girlfriend because she's having a tough time. But it's not like we're getting back together or anything.
Claire: Let me guess, the worst part about breaking up is that she doesn't have her best friend to talk to anymore?
Raj: That's exactly what she said! How do you know that?
Claire: I'm a girl. It's, like, page one out of the playbook.
Raj: Any chance you could send me a PDF of that playbook?

Raj: That was rough, you guys.
Penny: I know, but you did it. I'm so proud of you.
Raj: Well, anyway, I'll leave you to your girls' night.
Amy: Are you sure you don't want to stay here with us?
Raj: No, I kind of feel like being alone right now.
Bernadette: Well, if you change your mind, we'll be here.
Raj: Thank you.
Penny: Say hi to Emily for us.
Raj: Will do!

Penny: Okay, so, she drops off a $500 gift and she's not trying to get back together with you?
Raj: Maybe you're right.
Bernadette: Or she's telling the truth and just being nice.
Raj: Maybe you're right. Wow, I am easy to manipulate.

Raj: I mean, do I open it? Do I return it?
Amy: Why wouldn't you open it?
Raj: Well, she was pretty mad. For all I know it's a voodoo doll of me with a fork stuck in my junk.

Raj: You know, Adam West is my favorite Batman? Well, after Michael Keaton, Christian Bale and Batman from The Lego Movie.
Howard: Don't say that to him.
Raj: What? He beat out George Clooney. And that's something. Like, I love me some Clooney.
Leonard: Don't say that to anyone.

Howard: Maybe that's an idea, guidance systems for drunk people.
Raj: They have that. It's called Uber.

Raj: Groundbreaking revelations, tropical drinks. Tell me this isn't like the best episode of Sex and the City.

Howard: Okay, how about this for an invention: slightly bigger cocktail umbrellas?
Leonard: How is that a new invention?
Howard: I don't know. All Apple does is change the size of things and we keep buying them.
Raj: It's true. I like my giant iPad and my little iPad almost as much as my regular-sized iPad.

Howard: That's it. I got to start earning more money right now.
Raj: I know, you could ask Bernadette for a raise in your allowance.
Howard: This isn't a joke.
Raj: I wasn't joking.

Leonard: Ready to play when you are.
Howard: Yeah, um, in a minute. I actually need to tell you guys something.
Raj: If it's "thank you" for the homemade jam you got in December, congratulations, you're the first one.

Sheldon: Raj?
Raj: Spending Valentine's Day with Emily.
Leonard: You don't sound very excited about it.
Raj: Oh, I am, I am. I g... I guess I'm still wondering if Emily and I are right for each other.
Howard: Does this have to do with that girl you had coffee with?
Raj: You mean the strong, sexy angel I can't stop thinking about? Who can say?

Raj: Okay, we did have a vibe. This is exciting. What's my next move?
Bernadette: You still have a girlfriend.
Raj: Right. Good catch.

Raj: Anyway, so I'm sorry to waste your time. And, uh and good luck with your screenplay.
Claire: Hang on. We're both adults. We can still get together without it meaning anything.
Raj: Not me. Ever since you admitted we had a vibe, I've been planning our wedding.
Claire: Look, it's just coffee. I'll ask you some questions about science, and if you propose, I promise to say no.
Raj: Okay. That hurts a little, but okay.

Raj: So, uh, we're meeting for coffee like two adults. Everybody's happy. Easy peasy.
Bernadette: Are you gonna tell Emily?
Raj: Yeah, of course. We have no secrets.
Howard: When are you gonna tell Emily?
Raj: He lied about the cream cheese! He ate the whole thing! I saw him!

Raj: Hey, it's not my fault if American women project their fantasies on foreigners with the kind of magical voice that grants wishes.