Howard: So, how do you guys want to play this?
Sheldon: Be ruthless. You tell him if he doesn't start talking, we'll register a complaint with his Internet service provider.
Raj: Sheldon, what if he gets his Internet from his cable company? He could lose his HBO and all their delightful original programming.
Sheldon: I don't care! I'm losin' it, man!

Penny: Okay, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof is an American classic.
Sheldon: So is the McRib sandwich. I don't care for that either.

Amy: Well, the first thing that comes to mind is isolating the part of your brain where the memory is stored and destroying it with a laser.
Sheldon: Hmm, no. One slip of the hand and suddenly I'm sitting in the Engineering Department, building doodads with Wolowitz.

Howard: Our culprit is one Mr. Todd Zarnecki, 2711 Ocean View Road, Carlsbad, California.
Sheldon: The name and the address drip with evil.

Sheldon: This is the most thoughtful gift that anyone's ever given me. And that's including an amazing gift that I gave myself earlier today.

Alex: I know she's a fan of The Canterbury Tales. So I found this cool map that illustrates the characters' journey through England. I thought we could put it in a really nice frame.
Sheldon: But she's got Google Maps on her phone.
Alex: I don't know how to respond to that.

Amy: Is there anything I can do to help?
Sheldon: Yes. I want you to be in charge of our wedding. Just you tell me where and when, and I will show up with a boutonnire and close-toed shoes and a a Star Trek uniform underneath my tuxedo. That last part is non-negotiable.

Alex: Well, I know she loves playing the harp, so I found this beautiful music box that plays one of her favorite songs.
Sheldon: Now, Amy already has a real harp and it can play any song. What are you trying to pull here?

Raj: He'll have a Shirley Temple.
Sheldon: And don't be chintzy with the Shirley.

Sheldon: When the toupee licked my hand I screamed and hopped down the street on my remaining flip-flop.
Amy: Can I just ask?
Sheldon: No, this is a long story. Why don't we please save your questions till the end?

Sheldon: My expenses account for 46.9% of my after-tax income. The rest is divvied up between a small savings account, this deceptive container of peanut brittle, and the hollowed-out buttocks of a superhero action figure who shall remain nameless for his own protection. Or her own protection.

Leonard: This is depressing. Do you have any alcohol around here?
Sheldon: Uh, not surprisingly, when Penny moved out, she took every last drop.

Amy: Hi.
Sheldon: Hello.
Amy: Huh. Looks like you've been busy.
Sheldon: Oh, I have. Uh, dark matter, uh, reconciling gravity and quantum mechanics. Supersymmetry. I've figured out the biggest problems in physics today.
Amy: Wow, you solved them all?
Sheldon: No, I just, I figured out that they're the biggest problems.

Leonard: I grew up in a house full of crazy academics. Instead of leaving Santa milk and cookies, we had to leave him a research paper. And in the morning, you could tell he'd been there because the paper would be graded.
Sheldon: No wonder you love Christmas. That sounds amazing.
Leonard: It wasn't amazing. I got a C- four years in a row.
Sheldon: Yeah, I'm familiar with your work. C-minus was your gift.

Sheldon: Uh, One dumpling left. Who wants it?
Amy: Maybe you should offer it to the pregnant lady.
Sheldon: And that would be..?
Bernadette: Me, Sheldon. I'm obviously pregnant.
Sheldon: Well, you never said it to my face. And the last time I assumed a woman was pregnant, it did not go over well.
Penny: Yeah, I'm still mad at you.
Sheldon: You were drinking water instead of wine. What was I supposed to think?