Amy: Watching your old friend?
Sheldon: Yes. Look at him, Amy. It's such a shame. Struck down in the prime of my life.

Sheldon: Amy, mourning the inevitable is a complete waste of time.
Amy: And watching a bunch of goofy space movies you've seen a hundred times isn't?
Sheldon: If we were in a physical relationship, you've just lost sex tonight.

Amy: Your turn.
Sheldon: (runs randomizer) Ring bearer! Oh boy, I'm so glad that R2-D2 is still available.

Raj: Aren't you going to get 3D glasses?
Sheldon: I brought my own. No sense in risking "bridge of nose Herpes".
Raj: Is that a real thing?
Sheldon: Well, until they invent nose condoms, I'm not finding out.

Amy: I think you need to do some editing, like maybe cut out all that stuff about your childhood.
Sheldon: Are you kidding? Growing up in the backwoods of East Texas is what makes me warm and relatable.
Amy: Well, what about all these pages calling out everyone who said you wouldn't succeed?
Sheldon: I told them all they would rue the day. How is it gonna make me look if the day finally comes, and they're not filled with rue?

Sheldon: All right, Amy, you're up. Next decision.
Amy: Come on, first dance! Come on, first dance!
Sheldon: (runs computer randomizer) Invitations! Oh! That's a good one. Just a suggestion, hologram projected out of R2-D2.

Sheldon: Wait, is this really worth it? We've lived together for years without ne'ery an argument, but we start talking about a table and suddenly we're at each other's throats.
Leonard: Ne'ery an argument?! Ne'ery!?!
Sheldon: That means not one or not any. Maybe instead of a table you should buy a dictionary.
Sheldon: (To himself) Well, I don't know whether I won that but at least he's upset.

Amy: You know, this might work out for the best. You're always complaining about what a terrible roommate Leonard is. Like how he turns up the thermostat when you're not there.
Sheldon: Euck, it's like walking into the Amazon. And not the good Amazon with one-day shipping, the awful one with birds and snakes.

Sheldon: I'm helping you get back on your feet. I would like to purchase this comic book, please.
Stuart: It'll be $2.99.
Sheldon: Really? It's soaking wet.
Stuart: Fine, $1.

Amy: I know we only have coitus on my birthday, but I don't know if I can wait until midnight.
Sheldon: Oh, well, you'll be glad you did. Everyone knows the best foreplay is rigid adherence to a strict schedule.

Amy: Maybe you'll like living alone.
Sheldon: Perhaps.
Amy: And if you don't, maybe you and I could live together.
Sheldon: Oh, sure! While we're at it, why don't we get engaged, too? Why don't we get a little house, start a family, enjoy our sunset years together? Do you hear yourself woman?!

Leonard: You having a good day?
Penny: No, I missed an audition because my computer broke, and I didn't get the e-mail. Would've been a perfect part for me.
Sheldon: Was it waitress who ignores her customers? Because that's the role you were born to play.
Penny: Shut up and eat your burger.
Sheldon: Actually, it's a turkey club.
Penny: Didn't you order a burger?
Sheldon: I did, and yet here we are.

Leonard: Maybe I'll move in with Penny, or maybe she and I'll take this place and you can move across the hall.
Sheldon: Move across the hall?! Did you take a marijuana?

Leonard: So, listen. There was something I was hoping to float past you. Now that Penny and I are engaged, I thought we might want to talk about our living arrangements.
Sheldon: Of course. She's spent many nights here, and you're worried about preserving the myth of her virginity before the wedding.
Leonard: I'm not.
Sheldon: Good. Because not only has that ship sailed, if it hit an iceberg countless men would perish.

Sheldon: *knock knock knock* Penny! *knock knock knock* Penny! *knock knock knock* Penny!
Penny: Sheldon, go away. I'm making a video.
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry. I'll come back when you're alone.