Penny: What's this?
Sheldon: Leonard told me what happened, so I took it upon myself to make you a hot beverage.
Penny: Oh, that's so sweet of you.
Sheldon: I know.

Amy: Is it from one of your dumb sci-fi shows?
Sheldon: Uh, none of the sci-fi shows I watch are dumb.
Amy: Sheldon.
Sheldon: Okay, Westworld. But this has nothing to do with that show, other than it's also inexplicable.

Raj: This baby's got a ten-inch diameter with f/10 ACF optics.
Howard: And tonight Mercury is at its highest elongation.
Sheldon: It makes far-away things seem close, and Mercury is a planet.
Penny: I know Mercury is a planet. But the-the other thing was helpful.

Leonard: See, the liquid metal Terminators were created in the future by Skynet, and Skynet was developed by Miles Dyson, but that future no longer exists due to Dyson's death in Terminator 2.
Sheldon: Okay, then riddle me this. Assuming all the good Terminators were originally evil Terminators created by Skynet but then reprogrammed by the future John Connor, why would Skynet, an artificial computer intelligence, bother to create a petite hot 17 year-old killer robot?
Leonard: Skynet is kinky? I don't know.
Sheldon: Artificial intelligences do not have teen fetishes.

Leonard: Do you have a cousin Leopold?
Sheldon: No, I made him up. I think you'd call him Lee.
Leonard: I don't get it. I already told her a lie. Why replace it with a different lie?
Sheldon: Well, first of all, your lie was laughably transparent, where mine is exquisitely convoluted. While you were sleeping I was weaving an un-unravelable web.
Leonard: un-unravelable?
Sheldon: Yes, if she Googles "Leopold Houston" she'll find a Facebook page, an online blog depicting his descent into drug use, and a desperate yet hopeful listing on e-Harmony.com.

Bert: Sheldon, you left your jacket in my office last night.
Sheldon: Uh, oh. No-no, I didn't. That's-that's not my jacket.
Leonard: Then why does it say, "Property of S. Cooper. Stop touching it."?
Sheldon: It sounds like someone named Scooper doesn't want you touching his jacket.

Sheldon: I'm so proud of you.
Amy: And I'm proud of you.
Sheldon: Because you can't tell how jealous I am?
Amy: No, no, no. I can. But I can tell how hard you're trying to keep it in.
Sheldon: Really hard.
Amy: I'm gonna go to bed.
Sheldon: All right, I'm gonna go scream on the roof.

Amy: You know, dealing with cold feet is an important part of being both best man and maid of honor. Maybe we should test for that ability.
Sheldon: You really think you might get cold feet?
Amy: Actually, I was talking about you.
Sheldon: Amy if there's one thing in this world I'm sure of, you are right to be worried.

Amy: You know, this is really fun. I can't believe that people say that planning a wedding is one of the most stressful things in life.
Sheldon: I know. Not a day goes by that I don't marvel how much better we are than other people.

Sheldon: Well if the ushers are so important to you, what if I propose a trade? You may pick that, and I will decide, say, first dance.
Amy: Great. Then the ushers will be my cousins dressed in frontier frock coats.
Sheldon: Oh. And the first dance will be that we won't have one.
Amy: All right. Then our second dance will be the first dance.
Sheldon: Unless we have no dance at all.

Penny: I like pharmaceutical sales. It's going great, but I have an audition for a movie, and if I get it, it could screw everything up.
Sheldon: Hmm. I know exactly what you should do. Unfortunately, I cannot tell you.

Amy: And if we're not enjoying planning this wedding, then what's the point?
Sheldon: Well, historically, a wedding was to let other potential suitors know that we're unavailable. But I think matching T-shirts that say "Hands off the merchandise" accomplish the same thing.

Amy: Tomorrow we'll go downtown and get married.
Sheldon: Or we could go to Beverly Hills City Hall if you want a destination wedding.

Sheldon: Perhaps you'd prefer this one. The itzy-bitzy spider is not an insect at all. Because it has eight legs and two body parts.

Sheldon: Of course you're fine. Not every member of a species finds a mate. Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin. Look at the contributions he made.
Raj: I'm not a virgin, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Wha- So now you think you're better than Isaac Newton?