Sheldon: That was my iced tea.

Penny: You know, you go on and on about wanting things to stay the same, but you've changed a lot since I met you.
Sheldon: Oh, you are a mean drunk.

Leonard: Are you kidding me? You just found out that a woman who has loved and cared for you for 12 years is pregnant, and all you can say is you're relieved that she's not gonna get you sick?
Sheldon: There's no need for a recap. I was there.

Sheldon: (In Mandarin) Many oxen are in my bed! Many, many oxen!
*Chen flings his hands at Sheldon*
Sheldon: (Mandarin) Oy Vey.

Sheldon: This act of aggression must be met with swift and cruel ferocity. It is time to cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war.

Sheldon: Now I know how the African slaves felt. Being dragged from their homes to labor under the yolk of the white man.
Amy: Are you honestly comparing Thanksgiving dinner at Wolowitz's mom's with one of the greatest tragedies in the history of mankind?
Sheldon: Yes.

Howard: Since we all agree Episode 1 isn't our favorite, why not just skip it this time?
Sheldon: Howard, I think you of all people should avoid espousing the principle that if something is not our favorite we should just get rid of it.

Sheldon: I didn't want to upset you. Howard made it very clear that my allegiance should be to male comrades before women who sell their bodies for money.
Leonard: Is it possible he said Bros before Hos?
Sheldon: Yes, but I rephrased it to avoid offending the hos.

Sheldon: You know, riding with Leonard has got a little tedious lately. The only car game he ever wants to play is the quiet game. And he's terrible at it, I always win.

Sheldon: If it makes you feel any better, Amy and I are fine. I mean really good.

Sheldon: Gentlemen, please. Leonard is trying to walk a mile in my metaphorical shoes. He can't walk in my actual shoes, he has the feet of a toddler.

Sheldon: My spot on the couch has a great view of a window. Sometimes I can see space battles through it. It's called a TV.

Penny: I get it. I know what it's like to put your heart and soul into something and get nothing out of it.
Sheldon: You mean your acting career?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Your relationship with Leonard?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Your failed attempt to go back to college?
Penny: No!

Sheldon: Oh, I'm not going to the funeral.
Amy: Why not?
Sheldon: All those people blowing their noses. You can't tell the sick from the sad.

Leonard: Sheldon, hang tight. Hey, do you want me to bring you anything?
Sheldon: Yes, please. A pair of pants, and my toothbrush, and my mail, and a really good come back for chicken legs. Because "I know you are, but what am I?" was met with stony silence.