Sheldon: I am not proud of this. But I have been envious of your recent success.
Bert: Wow, I won the MacArthur Grant, everyone's jealous of me. Once I get LASIK, I'll be out of things to wish for.

Bartender: Here you go.
Sheldon: Oh, thank goodness!
Bartender: One top secret quantum guidance system.
Leonard: You understood the math?
Bartender: No, but Sheldon told me all about it. He told everybody.
Leonard: That's just great.
Bartender: Oh, don't worry, he made us pinky swear we'd keep it a secret.

Sheldon: How much will it hurt?
Amy: It's just a tiny skin sample. You saw me do it to myself.
Sheldon: On a scale of one to ten, where one is a pebble in your shoe and ten is the monkey you thought was your pet biting your face off.
Amy: A two.
Sheldon: Eating a whole Altoid?

Sheldon: All right, then. Let's go to the bedroom, remove our clothes, fold them neatly, and engage in frenzied lovemaking.
Amy: What if we don't fold our clothes at all.
Sheldon: I d- ... or what if we fold them?

Raj: I'm the son of a gynecologist. I could be helpful.
Bernadette: It would help if you stopped telling me I have a textbook cervix.
Raj: The polite response is, "Thank you for noticing."

Penny: Not only did they eat together, Leonard said he made her laugh.
Bernadette: That's nothing, Howie said she touched his hand.
Penny: Did he Purell?
Bernadette: No.
Penny: I cannot believe Leonard mentioned the Toblerone but left that part out.

Amy: What are you looking at?
Sheldon: Comments from our Behind the Flags retrospective. Get this, people are calling it "the longest one yet".

Sheldon: You know, I felt the same way about the spork. Uh, solids and liquids handled by one utensil? That'll never work. Spoiler: works.

Penny: Do boys have flowers?
Leonard: Who knows what he has down there.

Penny: All right, this is making me crazy. Somebody's got to go over there.
Leonard: You got feet and legs, you do it.

Howard: How about after this we go see the exotic bird show?
Stuart: Not a good idea. My hair is a coveted nesting material.

Bert: Hey. Looks like I got stood up, so I'm gonna head out.
Amy: Oh, no. Are you sure you don't want to give her a few more minutes?
Bert: Nah, G-Harmony recommends after two hours, it's time to cut bait.

Bernadette: This is ridiculous. The doctor knows what the baby is, the ultrasound tech knows, Raj knows, his Grey's Anatomy online fan group probably knows.

Sheldon: I hope you're happy making me read this. Bert's work is remarkable. And I'm more upset than ever. This is worse than when I had to admit that Cedric the Entertainer's actually entertaining.

Raj: Oh, hey, Bernadette, the swing comes with two different mobiles. The giraffes are pretty cute, what do you think?
Bernadette: Great, go with the giraffes.
Stuart: Although the high contrast of zebra stripes might provide better stimulus for a developing baby.
Bernadette: Yeah, you're probably right, go with the zebras.
Stuart: Good choice, boss.
Raj: At least my nose is naturally brown.