Kripke: My work would suffer too if I was getting laid all the time.
Sheldon: Yes, that is the reason. My work is suffering because of all the laid I am getting.
Kripke: You lucky bastard.
Sheldon: What can I say, you know? She enjoys my genitals. I am giving them to her on a nightly basis.

Amy: You're all wasting your time. Sheldon is the most qualified for the job. And no amount of gravity-defying bosom is going to change that.

Bernadette: It smells pretty ripe in here. You kinda feel it in your eyes.

Mrs. Wolowitz Oh please. You're a tall glass of brown water. Have dessert.

Howard: It's ridiculous that we still have to walk up all these stairs.
Bernadette: Yeah, try doing it in heels.
Howard: I am.

Leonard: So now let's bring out theoretical physicist, Dr, Sheldon Cooper.
Sheldon: Hello, female children. Allow me to inspire you with a story about a great female scientist. Polish-born, French-educated Madame Curie. Co-discover of radioactivity. She was a hero of science until her hair fell out, her vomit and stool became filled with blood, and she was poisoned to death by her own discovery. With a little hard work, I see no reason why that can't also happen to any of you. Are we done? Can we go?

Sheldon: Your threats are empty. Nothing can move me.
(Howard drives his car slowly towards Sheldon, pushing his chair forward)
Sheldon: That's it! I'm calling campus security! You prepare for the scolding of your life!

Amy: Missed one. Now your wish can't come true.
Sheldon: Lucky for you because I wished you were dead.

Leonard: Okay Sheldon, to start our quest, you need to open this little Christmas gift I got you.
Sheldon: Christmas? You know I don't enjoy Christmas.
Stuart: Why not?
Sheldon: Oh, where to begin? Trees indoors. Overuse of the words 'tis' and 'twas'. And the absurd custom of one stocking. Everybody knows that socks comes in pairs. Who uses one sock?
Howard: A pirate with a peg leg?
Sheldon: Actually, that helps, thank you.

Sheldon: I've never played Dungeons and Dragons with girls.
Penny: It's okay, honey, no one has.

Kripke: You guys ever use any toys?
Sheldon: I do have a model rocket next to my bed.
Kripke: A rocket? You're a freak! I love it!

Sheldon: I found three bowling pins. Do you juggle these or are you missing seven?
Howard: Juggle.
Sheldon: You health nuts kill me.

Leonard: What kind of a person steals another person's car in broad daylight?
Sheldon: What kind of person leaves his keys in the car?
Leonard: I thought we agreed this was all Koothrappali's fault.
Sheldon: You're right. (To Raj) Nice going.

Raj: Yeah, screw it. I'm going in.
Sheldon: Wait. Hold on. I believe screw it, I'm going in, is what I said to your mother last night.

Penny: Okay, glasses off. Find Waldo.