Amy: Did you lie to Howard about tonight?
Bernadette: Of course.
Amy: And you don't like feel guilty about it?
Bernadette: Between Penny's gorilla movie and Howard's gorilla mother, I had no choice.

Josh: I've always dreamed of having a brother to play catch with.
Bernadette: Keep dreaming.

Penny: What do you think?
Bernadette: I don't know what to think, but then I just found out about it.

Penny: Am I being naive?
Bernadette: I don't know. This is all so new to me. I'm still processing.

Howard: I was just thinking about my mom and how sad my childhood was.
Bernadette: Yeah, I bet it sucked. I'm gonna take a bath and you do the dishes.
Howard: How about I take a bath with you? See what happens?
Bernadette: Here's what's going to happen: I'm going to take a bath, you're gonna do the dishes.
Howard: That's it? No compassion?
Bernadette: "Aww, poor Howie". We good? I'm going to take a bath.

Penny: I mean really, what's so great about being grown up?
Bernadette: Well for starters, we'd be splitting this check three ways.

Bernadette: Did you eat all my yoghurt?
Howard: You mean the one that makes ladies do the thing that ladies pretend they don't do even though they do?
Bernadette: You know... which yoghurt I mean.

Amy: So what tools did you bring?
Howard: Everything we need to make jewellery moulds. Here's some silver, a crucible, and an acetylene torch to melt it down.
Penny: Ooh, that looks fun.
Bernadette: Maybe you should master glue before you move onto fire.

Howard: If you're initimated by talking to attractive girls, maybe you should practice by talking to regular people.
Raj: You mean like fatties and uggos?
Bernadette: Or maybe just stop talking.

Bernadette: Sorry doesn't clean my underpants, buddy.

Howard: How about computers? You like computers?
Bernadette: I use them, I don't like them.

Amy: Penny, let's go. We found a place that has Australian male strippers.
Bernadette: We want to see if they twirl their junk in the other direction.

Howard: You sure you're okay?
Bernadette: Yeah, it's just a precaution. If there were a problem I'd be throwing up through my eyeballs by now.

Howard: What took you so long? The grocery store's only a few blocks away.
Bernadette: They only had regular yogurt. I had to go a different store to get the extra-fat kind your mom likes.

Penny: I haven't been on a job interview in years. I'm really nervous.
Bernadette: Don't be. You're built for pharmaceutical sales. You're cute, you're flirty, and I started that like there were gonna be three things.