Bernadette: Okay, well, wish me luck.
Howard: Dont worry, you'll be fine. Let's just hide Mr. Cross. If it touches her, it burns.

Howard: There's Leonard. I'll bet he's having a rough day.
Raj: Let's just try to be supportive.
Sheldon: Supportive? He publicly maligned the love of my life, Lady Physics.
Howard: You might not want to mention that to Lady Fiance.

Howard: Oh, I didn't even know I was capable of loving someone so much.
Bernadette: More than me?
Howard: Wha--
Bernadette: Uh, I'm just messing with you. I totally love them more than you.
Howard: I get that. I would take a bullet for them. But I would get seriously mutilated for you.
Bernadette: That's sweet. But you should know, if you got seriously mutilated, I might dump you.
Howard: You'd be crazy not to. Even unmutilated, I'm no prize.

Sheldon: All right, bagels down. Before we head to the airport, I'd like to go over a few things.
[others groan]
Sheldon: From the moment we step off the plane, each and every one of you is an ambassador for Amy and myself.
Howard: [to Bernadette] I told you these tickets weren't free.

Bernadette: Look, it's only a spray tan. It'll fade in a couple days. Why don't you cancel the date and reschedule?
Stuart: Oh, but I was really looking forward to tonight.
Bernadette: You know what? Then go. Tell her what happened. Maybe she'll be flattered.
Howard: And if not, swing by the chocolate factory and see if they're hiring. That wasn't a joke. That was a legitimate suggestion.

Howard: You should be happy someone wants to do the stuff with Penny you don't want to.
Bernadette: Yeah, I wish I had that with Howard.
Howard: Wait. What? What do I make you do?
Bernadette: Let's see: the magic store, the Doctor Who convention, the National Belt Buckle Collector's meet and greet.
Howard: It said right there on the invitation, "Buckle up for fun." It's not my fault you didn't listen.

Leonard: He just made her laugh, something's wrong.
Raj: Do you see the way she's looking at him?
Howard: Yeah. Like Bernadette used to look at me.
Raj: I keep telling you, close the bathroom door.
Leonard: Ah, did you see that? She just touched his hand and he didn't swat it away. What is happening?
Howard: Okay, the simplest explanation is usually the right one.
Raj: Which is?
Howard: That ain't Sheldon.

Leonard: Wait, isn't she the grad student that used to follow him around?
Howard: Oh, yeah. Back before he hit puberty and grew man parts.

Howard: Hey, what's for dinner?
Bernadette: Meatloaf.
Howard: (half-heartedly) Oh, cool.
Bernadette: Stuart made it.
Howard: (upbeat) Oh, cool.

Howard: I mean, an entire year wasted.
Bernadette: You might be forgetting another accomplishment of the past year.
Howard: Oh. Yeah, yeah, we brought life into the world.
Bernadette: Really? That's the importance you put on us having a baby?
Howard: I'm happy about it, but, I mean, it's not like I did much. I mean, after the first three minutes it was pretty much all you.

Leonard: Now, before we field test, I think we --
Howard: What the hell?
Leonard: Where is everything?
Sheldon: Who else has access to this room?
Leonard: It's a secure lab in a classified facility; only the U.S. government and us.
Sheldon: This is very disconcerting.
Howard: But the movie did just get good.

Stuart: I'm picking her up in an hour. What am I gonna do?!
Howard: Don't you mean what are you gonna "Oompa Loompa doompety do"?

Bernadette: I just don't know what the right thing to do is. If I go back to work, I'm abandoning Halley. If I don't go, I'm giving up everything I worked for. It's like there's no right choice.
Howard: Look, I don't know what the best decision is, either. But whatever we choose, if we're not happy, we can undo it.
Bernadette: I guess.
Howard: And the best part is: Halley won't remember a thing. (laughs) Babies are cute, but they're dumb.
(chuckles) I mean, I go like this, she thinks I'm gone. Then magically I'm back. I mean, honestly, why are we saving for college?
Bernadette: I'm not crazy about you calling our baby dumb.
Howard: Well, she gets it from me.

Raj: Well, what is it? What did you give them?
Leonard: Oh, i-it's just this dumb crystal wand that Howard and Bernadette gave us for our wedding. Penny and I made each other miserable trying to figure out what it was, and we thought, "Why not pass that fun along to Sheldon and Amy."
Raj: Wait a minute. Did-- did you give them the crystal chakra wand that I gave you for your wedding?
Howard: Yeah, that's exactly what we did.
Raj: You said you liked it!
Howard: Yeah, that's exactly what I said.

Howard: So, bottom line, what you did was wrong and cruel, which the mother of my children finds oddly appealing.
Amy: So she still wants to be my maid of honor?
Howard: Maid of honor, hit woman, whatever you need. Make the call.