Leonard Hofstadter Quotes Page 65 of 74

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Quote from the episode The Jerusalem Duality

Raj: Okay, uh, how about her?
Leonard: Sure. If he wants to spend a couple of years doing her homework while she drinks herself into a stupor with non-fat White Russians, while you're the one holding her head out of the toilet while she's puking and telling you she wishes more guys were like you, and they she gets into Cornell because you wrote her essay for her, and you drive up to visit her one weekend and she acts like she doesn't even know you.

Quote from the episode The Troll Manifestation

Leonard: Do you really want him to write back?
Sheldon: I do. And no matter how he responds, I'm going to destroy him with a picture of a bored cat saying "Oh, really?"
Leonard: Mee-wow.

Quote from the episode The Dead Hooker Juxtaposition

Penny: Okay, new topic, please. Hey, did you hear the people upstairs in 5A are moving out?
Leonard: Shh-shh-shh!
Sheldon: What?
Penny: The people upstairs are moving out.
Leonard: No!
Sheldon: The horror!
Leonard: Why would you just say something like that?
Sheldon: No, no, no, no, no, no, no-
Penny: How else was I supposed to say it?
Leonard: Slowly, like putting a new fish in a tank. You dont just drop it in, you let the bag sit in the water a while.

Quote from the episode The Cohabitation Experimentation

Amy: You've been roommates with Sheldon forever. Do you have any advice?
Leonard: I'm trying to think of an answer that won't stop you from doing this.

Quote from the episode The Property Division Collision

Leonard: I believe that is flag to crotch four, checkmate. Easy-peasy, ooh, so breezy.

Quote from the episode The Launch Acceleration

Leonard: Okay, at some point, we'll look back and this is going to be a funny story. Why don't we just start doing that now?
Penny: You're kidding.
Leonard: No. Hey, do you remember that time when I proposed to you in bed? And you were all, like, what are you doing? That was so funny. So funny.
Penny: It's not funny.
Leonard: Give it a minute. Is that a little smile I see there? I should go.

Quote from the episode The Psychic Vortex

Bernadette: How's your work going, Penny? Any acting jobs?
Penny: Well, the last big thing I did was this production of Diary of Anne Frank above a bowling alley. But I think things might be turning around pretty soon.
Leonard: Great. How come?
Penny: Well, promise you won't make fun of me.
Leonard: Of course, I would never make fun of you.
Penny: Okay. Well, I went to this psychic who told me that if I cut my hair, I'm going to get a national commercial.
Leonard: (Laughing) Seriously? You're getting career advice from a psychic?
Howard: Good job not making fun of her.

Quote from the episode The Allowance Evaporation

Penny: All right, how much exactly does he pay for?
Raj: Okay, I'll tell you, but please don't judge me. He pays for my car, my rent, and my credit cards.
Leonard: I'm trying, but I'm judging.

Quote from the episode The Proton Resurgence

Leonard: It would be pretty awesome to hang out with him. I just used awesome wrong, didn't I?

Quote from the episode The Gates Excitation

Leonard: I believe they do text him. The-the Bat-Signal is linked to his phone via Bluetooth.
Howard: Has that been in the comics?
Leonard: No, it's just what I believe.

Quote from the episode The Valentino Submergence

Penny: I was just hungry and cranky, and I've never been called "ma'am" before.
Leonard: Is that a big deal?
Penny: Kind of. When was the first time someone called you "sir"?
Leonard: Sixth grade, but I wore a sport coat and carried a briefcase, so...

Quote from the episode The Launch Acceleration

Sheldon: Bishop to queen four, level two. Check.
Leonard: Sheldon, knight takes bishop. You all right?
Sheldon: I'm fine.
Leonard: Are you? You left your queen exposed from above, you trapped your knight in the corner, and you keep sighing and saying, why me?

Quote from the episode The Closure Alternative

Sheldon: Why would the Chinese make our DVR record Paul Blart: Mall Cop?
Leonard: I don't know. It's a fat guy on a Segway. That's funny everywhere.

Quote from the episode The Valentino Submergence

Penny: Can you believe when I met you I was 22? I mean, it's crazy! Where did all that time go?
Leonard: Mmm, you watched The Bachelor a lot.
Penny: Yeah, go ahead and make jokes, but your thirties are almost over.
Leonard: No, they're not.
Penny: You're closer to 40 than you are 30.
Leonard: Ha, ha! You married an old man.

Quote from the episode The Property Division Collision

Penny: I think I'm gonna go for a run. You want to come?
Leonard: No, last time that old lady in the park kept screaming, "Watch out, he's right behind you."

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