Penny: Hey, guys. Enjoying your food that I actually brought you instead of promising food, but bringing you a box of random crap?
Leonard: Yeah, it's delicious. The sarcasm's a little stale, though.

Sheldon: Hi, Stephanie. I'm sorry I'm late, but your companion left the most indecipherable invitation.
Leonard: What invitation?
Sheldon: "We're going to the movies." What movie? What theater? What time? If you were trying to make it impossible to locate you, you couldn't have done a better job.
Leonard: Oh, clearly I could have.
Sheldon: It took me nearly 20 minutes to go through the browser history on your computer to see what movie times you looked up.

Leonard: Look, I'm just saying, um, Penny is one of our many neighbors, you know, and in our building, neighbors come and go, it's very casual, no dress code. In fact, some mornings I'll just mosey down to the third floor in my pajamas and have cereal with Mrs. Vartabedian.
Sheldon: Really? I have never once been invited to have cereal with Mrs. Vartabedian.
Leonard: She doesn't like you.

Leonard: I don't care what you guys think, Stephanie and I are very happy living together. I will give either of you 20 dollars, right now to trade pants with me!

Howard: You know, if you can't talk to her, why don't you just text her?
Leonard: Isn't that kind of cowardly?
Howard: Oh, yeah. It's beyond contemptible.
Raj: It's true, but on the other hand you are wearing a bird sweater.
Leonard: Sold.

Leonard: Face it, Raj, we crashed and burned tonight.
Mrs. Latham: Oh, you didn't do that badly.
Leonard: Mrs. Latham, the first machine I turn on in the morning is the helium-neon laser, 'cause it needs to warm up.
Mrs. Latham:: I no longer care, dear.

Penny: Well, I've been thinking, and maybe I'm ready to take things a little faster.
Leonard: Oh, great. And I promise, after waiting four months, fast is what you're gonna get.

Penny: You know, just-just one thing. Look, we're in a really great place right now, and I don't want to do anything that will make stuff all weird again.
Leonard: So we won't let it get weird.
Penny: Okay. Oh, and just a heads-up, mm, since the last time you saw me naked, I got a Cookie Monster tattoo. The acceptable responses when you see it are awesome or nothing.
Leonard: What about ... (in a low voice) Cookies!

Leonard: Okay, at some point, we'll look back and this is going to be a funny story. Why don't we just start doing that now?
Penny: You're kidding.
Leonard: No. Hey, do you remember that time when I proposed to you in bed? And you were all, like, what are you doing? That was so funny. So funny.
Penny: It's not funny.
Leonard: Give it a minute. Is that a little smile I see there? I should go.

Sheldon: Bishop to queen four, level two. Check.
Leonard: Sheldon, knight takes bishop. You all right?
Sheldon: I'm fine.
Leonard: Are you? You left your queen exposed from above, you trapped your knight in the corner, and you keep sighing and saying, why me?

Leonard: Oh, that's right. Thursday is Stan Lee Day.
Sheldon: Now you see what you've done? Because of you, we're all going to miss Stan Lee.
Leonard: Whoa! What do you mean all?
Sheldon: Well, you're my friends. You'll be standing by my side, supporting me, feeding me legal precedents, and if you had the upper body strength, carrying me out on your shoulders when I'm victorious.
Leonard: Yeah, okay. No.
Sheldon: Are you saying that you will not stand beside me as I plead my case?
Leonard: Thats what I'm saying.

Leonard: Okay, that's enough, Howard. The poor guy's had a tough time. He had to spend the entire afternoon in jail wearing that suit.
Howard: You're right, so it would be cruel to mention that after he finished signing autographs, Stan Lee took Stuart and us out for gelato.
Sheldon: You had gelato with Stan Lee?
Howard: He said we could call him Stan.
Leonard: Except for Raj.

Amy: Boy, you were not liked in high school, were you?
Leonard: Not really. Is that my yearbook?
Amy: Mm-hmm. Dear Leonard, you're really good at science. Maybe one day you'll come up with a cure for being a dork.
Leonard: Well, it wasn't spray-painting a lightning bolt on my briefcase, I can tell you that.

Leonard: I'm sorry. The bride and groom seem happy.
Amy: Why shouldn't they be? They have a feverish night of socially-approved copulation ahead of them. In some cultures, we'd stand outside of their bedroom cheering as they achieved orgasm.
Leonard: That sounds like a late night, and I have work in the morning, so...

Leonard: Oh, before I forget, Saturday I'm planning a little Dungeons and Dragons night with the guys.
Penny: Really? That's how you're gonna spend your Saturday night?
Leonard: Oh, come on, I hardly ever get a chance to play anymore.
Penny: Oh, you poor thing. Is having a real-life girlfriend who has sex with you getting in the way of your board games?
Leonard: Little bit, yeah.