Penny: You know, you compared us to the strangest couple we know, and we know Amy and Sheldon, Howard and Bernadette, Raj and his twitchy little dog.

Penny: So, does Sheldon have anything special planned for you tomorrow night?
Amy: Oh, yes. According to the relationship agreement, on the anniversary of our first date, he must take me to a nice dinner, ask about my day, and engage in casual physical contact that a disinterested onlooker might mistake for intimacy.
Penny: That's hot. You kids better use protection.

Raj: I'd like for at least one of us to see some action, so if you guys happen to have sex it's cool if she stays in the room.
Penny: Same goes for the two of you (Howard & Bernadette) with Amy.

Bernadette: More coffee?
Penny: No, Leonard's taking me to a physics lecture, and coffee'll just keep me awake.

Leonard: I'm the one who thought of it.
Penny: Well, didn't he do a lot of the work?
Leonard: But now he's happy to let everyone think he's responsible for everything.
Penny: And that's why you get an iPad helicopter.

Amy: How do you not know how to use glue? Did you ditch pre-school?
Penny: Yeah, but only because I was dating a second-grader.

Penny: Look, I'm telling you I've done it. I clearly remember the cow standing up and then a cow on its side.
Leonard: Were you drunk?
Penny: I was sixteen and in Nebraska, what do you think?
Leonard: I think you're the one who fell over.
Penny: Well that would explain why the sky was also on its side.

Penny: Oh, good, you're up. Look, my car won't start. I need a ride to work.
Sheldon: Did you once again ignore your check engine light?
Penny: No, Mr. Smarty Pants. I ignored the fill gas tank light.
Sheldon: Leonard, Penny wants to exploit any residual feelings you have for her in order to get a ride to work.

Penny: Next time I get a speeding ticket, here come the waterworks.
Sheldon: Here come the waterworks!
*Sheldon runs off to the bathroom*
Leonard: Aren't you going to ask?
Penny: What is this, my first day?

Leonard: Penny, Steve Wozniak was one of the co-founders of Apple computer. He and Steve Jobs.
Penny: Yeah. I know who he is. I watch Dancing With the Stars.

Penny: Oh, anyways I'm also writing a screenplay. It's about this sensitive girl who comes to LA from Lincoln, Nebraska, to be an actress and who ends up a waitress at the cheesecake factory.
Leonard: So it's based on your life?
Penny: No, I'm from Omaha!

Penny: I need to go back to dating dumb guys from the gym.

Leonard: So is that it? Are we engaged?
Penny: Yeah, I think so.
Leonard: All right.
Penny: What's wrong?
Leonard: I'm not sure. It just feels a little anti-climactic.
Penny: Yeah, it kinda does, doesn't it?

Bernadette: We'll take you to the mall to get it done.
Penny: Why? I can do it right here.
Amy: Really? You have a piercing gun?
Penny: No. All you need is a needle and an ice cube. I've done it, like, a dozen times.
Amy: Oh, I don't know.
Penny: Oh, come on. I'll be gentle. Let me take your ear virginity.
Bernadette: This party's weird.

Leonard: So I'm like a bran muffin?
Penny: What? No, that's not what I'm saying.
Leonard: No, that's exactly what you're saying. I'm the boring thing you're choosing because I'm good for you.
Penny: What does it matter? I'm choosing you.
Leonard: It matters a lot. I don't want to be a bran muffin. I want to be a cinnabon, a strawberry pop tart. Something you're excited about, even if it could give you diabetes.
Penny: Sweetie, you can be any pastry you want.