Penny: Oh, look at us. Our last Thanksgiving as husband and wife.

Penny: There's this doctor who refuses to see any sales reps. I've been trying to get in for months.
Leonard: Well, did you try wearing the shirt I said was inappropriate for work?
Penny: Well, the doctor's a woman, but yes, because you never know.

Dr. Gallo: Wow, you really do have a lot on your plate.
Penny: I do. You know, Leonard's right. Talking to you is really helping.
Dr. Gallo: Oh, I'm glad. You know, you might also benefit from a prescription for anxiety.
Penny: Okay, if you think it'll help. Oh, just don't make it Placinex. I do not need sudden fits of homicidal rage.

Penny: You know, if you had a party now, you have plenty of friends that would love to come.
Leonard: And we live here, so we have no choice.
Penny: Yeah.

Penny: So, hows it goin'?
Leonard: Good. Slow.
Howard: There's a lot of tedious setup, but once we get through that it should go quicker.
Penny: Is there anything we can do to help?
Leonard: You know what, this part isn't that technical. You actually could.
Penny: Wow, really? Called my bluff. All righty then.

Penny: You know, there's a cabin in Big Bear that a doctor I work with keeps offering me.
Leonard: Because he's hitting on you?
Penny: She.
Leonard: Oh, good.
Penny: But I could get her.

Penny: Sheldon, she wanted to share a toothbrush holder with you, and now you're at an ice cream parlor trying to pick up women!

Penny: So, relax. We're happy to have you.
Raj: Thank you, but how do I know you're not saying that just to be nice?
Penny: Do you actually pay for that haircut?
Raj: That'll do it.

Leonard: Uh, Surprise!
Penny: Oh, crap. Is it our anniversary?
Leonard: No. Wait. No.

Penny: That is enough. Your lives are not wasted. Your careers are not at a dead end. You just hit a rough patch. Instead of feeling sorry for yourselves, you need to get up and get inspired.
Leonard: How?
Penny: I don't know. You know, when I'm feeling down, I go for a run, which is exactly why I'm not 180 pounds, genius!

Penny: Hey, hey, hey, I can watch your stupid baby, okay? If she cries, I will pick her up. If she's hungry, I'll give her a bottle. And if she poops, I'll light some incense.

Leonard: How was work?
Penny: Well, you know, it's the Cheesecake Factory. People order cheesecake, and I bring it to them.
Leonard: So, you sort of act as a carbohydrate delivery system.
Penny: Yeah, call it whatever you want, I get minimum wage.

Leonard: You can't think this is the right time to "validate his behavior."
Penny: Okay, what about "presenting a united front"?
Leonard: What about you coddling him and he's never gonna learn?
Penny: Look, you sound frustrated, and I'm really proud of the way you're able to state your opinion.
Leonard: Thank you. Wait, no, no. Don't use that book on me!

Penny: I don't know what to say. Leonard, do you know what to say?
Leonard: Sheldon, uh, I thought it, uh, it looked like you were having so much fun.
Sheldon: Hey, that's what you used to tell me to say to Penny after one of her terrible plays.
Penny: Hey! (Penny slaps Leonard)
Leonard: Hey!

Bernadette: Penny, everything all right?!
Penny: Hey, all good. Dipped her pacifier in a little bourbon, she conked right out.
Bernadette: I hope you're joking.
Penny: Of course I'm joking. I don't share my bourbon.