Sheldon: See, sometimes I wish I could invent a time machine, so I could go back and prevent myself from acting so rashly.
Leonard: Or moving forward, you could think before you speak.
Sheldon: I suppose so.
Leonard: But the time machine thing is probably more likely.

Sheldon: My problem is that I don't always know when I've gone too far.
Leonard: Well, uh, if you like, I could try to help you out. You know, and maybe let you know if you're crossing a line.
Sheldon: Oh, you mean, like, with a code word?
Leonard: Sure. How's "shut up"?
Sheldon: That's perfect. People say it to me all the time, no one will suspect.

Bernadette: And the best part is, Stuart showed it to a publisher friend of his, and they're interested in it.
Raj: That is so cool.
Howard: Absolutely not.
Bernadette: Why?
Howard: Because I don't want the whole world to know I was the frightened little astronaut!
Raj: Maybe you should've called it The Bitchy Little Astronaut.

Bernadette: I heard you tell Halley that story the other night, and I thought it was so sweet that Stuart and I turned it into a book.
Howard: The Frightened Little Astronaut?
Raj: That looks just like you. Look how tiny and scared you look.

Sheldon: Oh, it's from Saul Perlmutter. He sent me a picture.
Amy: Ooh, let me see.
Sheldon: Oh, he arranged the cookies to spell out "thank you."
Amy: Sheldon, that word isn't "thank."

Penny: Someone texting you?
Leonard: Uh, no, I just met my exercise goal for the day.
Penny: By doing the dishes?
Leonard: Hey, you have your goals, I have mine.
Sheldon: Hello.
Amy: What are you two doing?
Leonard: Mm, just finishing a workout.

Amy: It's for the Nobel Laureates. We need them on our side, but unfortunately, Sheldon-
Penny: No. "Unfortunately, Sheldon" that's all you got to say.

Leonard: So you need these people's support and you're sending them baked goods?
Penny: Yeah, they're pretty smart. Don't you think they're gonna realize it's just a bribe?
Sheldon: No, you'd think, but sometimes brilliant people can be painfully oblivious to social cues.
Penny: Thank you for pointing that out, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Anytime.

Amy: Do you have any cookie dough?
Penny: Uh, I think so. Let me see. Yeah, we've got, uh, chocolate chip and oatmeal raisin.
Sheldon: Oatmeal raisin? I know at least two things wrong with that cookie.

Stuart: Oh, that's cute. Did Halley draw that at preschool?
Bernadette: I drew it.
Stuart: Well, good night.
Bernadette: It's supposed to be an astronaut.
Stuart: And I'm supposed to be living on my own at this age, but here we are.

Bernadette: Halley was scared and Howard told her the sweetest story about when he was in space and I thought I could turn it into a book for her and Michael.
Stuart: Oh, well, I mean, I am an artist. Uh, if you want, I could do the drawings.
Bernadette: Really? That'd be amazing.
Stuart: Yeah, it'd be fun. And a, a nice change of pace from what I usually draw.
Bernadette: What do you usually draw?
Stuart: Well, good night.

Amy: Uh, George Smoot's on here.
Sheldon: [hisses] Ugh. We have a history.
Amy: Saul Perlmutter?
Sheldon: Oh!
Amy: What about Kip Thorne?
Sheldon: Well, now that was a misunderstanding. I didn't know he was right behind me.

Amy: Hey, good news. They're inviting several Nobel Laureates to our reception.
Sheldon: Oh, great, like who?
Amy: Uh, Makoto Kobayashi.
Sheldon: Ooh.
Amy: What?
Sheldon: Well, I may have been less than kind to him about his Nobel Prize win.
Amy: Why?
Sheldon: I was jealous, angry and new to Twitter. It was a dangerous combination.
Amy: Okay, so scratch Kobayashi.

Amy: So you've alienated everyone we need to help us?
Sheldon: Well, Amy, if I had known that someday we'd need them, I would never have insulted them.
Amy: Well, that doesn't make it better.
Sheldon: Oh. Well, it's also not true.

Howard: Kids asleep?
Bernadette: Nope. I've been trying to get them down for hours. Apparently, Halley's afraid of the dark now and I can't turn on the night-light 'cause it makes Michael cry.
Howard: Why doesn't he like the night-light?
Bernadette: Jot that down, we can ask him as soon as he learns to speak. We can also find out what's so damn funny about birds.