Howard: Kids asleep?
Bernadette: Nope. I've been trying to get them down for hours. Apparently, Halley's afraid of the dark now and I can't turn on the night-light 'cause it makes Michael cry.
Howard: Why doesn't he like the night-light?
Bernadette: Jot that down, we can ask him as soon as he learns to speak. We can also find out what's so damn funny about birds.

[Halley crying]
Howard: I'll go talk to her.
Bernadette: I don't know why she's suddenly so afraid of everything.
Howard: Honey, remember, she's my child, too.

Sheldon: Look at this. They posted another video. It's not even about science. They're on a celebrity bus tour.
Raj: Those are fun. I went on one and saw Tom Hanks talking to his gardener. He's even nice when you plant the wrong color azaleas.

Leonard: Those guys are good at self-promoting, so what? No one ever won a Nobel for being nice.
Raj: Yeah, but if they did, do you know who would win one?
Howard: Are you gonna say Tom Hanks?
Raj: He picked up a shovel and helped the guy replant.

President Siebert: Look, it doesn't matter if they have popular support, we're gonna get the scientific community behind us.
Leonard: He's right, the Nobel Prize is about the work, and as your fellow scientists, we support you and Amy.
President Siebert: That's great, Scooby Gang.

President Siebert: Dr. Cooper, there you are. I just wanted to tell you not to worry about this Pemberton and Campbell publicity blitz.
Sheldon: Are you worried?
President Siebert: Not at all. Not even a little bit. [manic laugh]

President Siebert: Now, the university is gonna host a reception for you and Dr.
Fowler where we invite as many academic luminaries as we can, uh, give them a chance to meet you, hear about your work.
Leonard: Uh, that's a great idea.
President Siebert: Uh, yeah. Who needs to be likable when you have Nobel Laureates campaigning for you?
Sheldon: Oh, yeah- Wait a minute. Do you not think we're likable?
President Siebert: That's what's great about you, you never stop asking the tough questions.

Dr. Pemberton: What's wrong?
Sheldon: I'll tell you what's wrong. You went on TV and were charming.
Dr. Campbell: Thanks, man. That's what my mom said.

Dr. Campbell: You know, just because we proved something by accident doesn't mean we didn't prove it.
Dr. Pemberton: Yeah, I wasn't trying to prove that my wife was cheating on me when I came home early one Friday, but I'm still sleeping on his couch.
Dr. Campbell: I told you, you can do better than her.
Dr. Pemberton: Thanks. It just hurts.
Dr. Campbell: And when you win that Nobel Prize, she's gonna realize that she was wrong, you are not a fraud.
Sheldon: She is not wrong.
Dr. Campbell: Wow, I can't believe you're siding with Linda.
Dr. Pemberton: Shame on you.

Sheldon: I want you to hold a press conference where you admit that you blindly stumbled into super-asymmetry and it was really our discovery.
Dr. Pemberton: Oh. No, thanks.

Raj: This is nice. All my friends hanging out, watching Ellen. It's like, what am I gonna do with my other two wishes?

Bernadette: Why does she even want to have scientists on?
Sheldon: Uh, silly question. Who else will give her audience causal explanations of natural phenomena?
Howard: I love you, honey, but think.

Amy: It's not nice. She's having on the scientists who are trying to steal our Nobel Prize.
Sheldon: Although I will enjoy watching her expose Pemberton and Campbell for the coattail-riding frauds that they are.
Leonard: That is Ellen's brand, gotcha journalism.
Penny: Yeah, you should've seen her take down John Krasinski last week. Got him to admit he loved his wife. It was brutal.

Amy: I hate to say it, Sheldon, but I think the audience likes them.
Sheldon: Well, that will all change when Ellen asks them how super-asymmetry explains the cosmological excess of matter over anti-matter and they panic, like Leonard trying to do a pull-up.
Leonard: Hey, what'd I do?
Penny: Not a pull-up.

Penny: Can I just see what he wrote on the napkin?
Bernadette: What napkin?