Sheldon: Who are you playing with?
Wil Wheaton: Ugh it's just some friends, you don't know them.
William Shatner: Wheaton, get back here. Hobgoblins are at the gate, and you're at the door buying Girl Scout Cookies.
Sheldon: Is that William Sha-?
Wil Wheaton: Nope.

Kevin Smith: Wil, come on, I cast fireball, you need to roll your dexterity save.
Wil Wheaton: I'll be right there.
Sheldon: Are you playing Dungeons & Dragons?
Wil Wheaton: No.
Kevin Smith: Would you hurry up, man, the map says this dungeon's full of dragons.
Wil Wheaton: Still no.

Sheldon: Kids' Choice Award? Why would they let kids choose anything? They're basically human larvae.
Wil Wheaton: Well, they are kind of our target audience.
Sheldon: Greetings, children. Toys, am I right?
Amy: He is. He has hundreds of them.

Wil Wheaton: So you two have discovered something that a lot of people are really excited about.
Amy: We have.
Wil Wheaton: Now, before you explain it, keep in mind that our average viewer is this many.

Wil Wheaton: All right, Professor Proton fans, get ready to meet Dr. Sheldon Cooper and Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler, a pair of real-life scientists who may win the Nobel Prize. That's like the Kids' Choice Award, but with more science and less slime.

Leonard: Look, Sheldon's pretty embarrassed, so when he gets here, we should-
Howard: Make fun of him?
Leonard: A lot.
Raj: Guys, don't you think that's a little mean?
Howard: Yeah.
Raj: Okay, just so we're all on the same page.

Howard: Oh, poor Shatner.
Raj: Poor Shatner? I have to eat lunch now.

William Shatner: Hello.
Sheldon: Captain on the bridge! Captain on the bridge! You're William Shatner.
William Shatner: You can call me Bill.
Sheldon: Ooh, can I call you Captain?
William Shatner: No.
Sheldon: Please?
William Shatner: No.
Sheldon: [whispers] Please?
William Shatner: Sure.
Sheldon: And w-will you call me Science Officer Cooper?
William Shatner: This has got to stop.
Sheldon: I think you know how to make it stop.
William Shatner: Put her there, Science Officer Cooper.

Wil Wheaton: Oh, was that a doorbell?
Amy: I didn't hear anything.
Wil Wheaton: [doorbell rings] Huh, there it is again. Sheldon, why don't you answer it?
Sheldon: But I don't know who it is.
Wil Wheaton: Maybe it's a special guest who I invited just to surprise you. Why don't you open it up and find out.
Sheldon: This is a terrible message to send to children. Children, you never open the door if you don't know who's on the other side. You always make your mommy or daddy do it while you hide under the bed and try to imagine what your superhero name will be when you avenge their deaths.
Amy: I'll get it.
Sheldon: But it can't be the Silver Shadow. That's mine.

Amy: Okay, imagine you're looking in a mirror. The image you see looks just like you. That's called symmetrical.
Sheldon: Now imagine you have a billion mirrors, and each of them reflects one thing about you correctly and a billion things about you incorrectly. And imagine the set of incorrect things are floating in an abstract n-dimensional hyperspace. Now imagine there was never a mirror to begin with.

Howard: So, Sheldon, did you get William Shatner's autograph, or maybe his dry cleaning bill?
Sheldon: [chuckles] Very funny, get it all out.
Leonard: Like you did on William Shatner?

Sheldon: Raj, do you have something to add?
Raj: You brought shame upon yourself and your family. It's not funny, but it's true.

Anu: They are definitely your weirdest friends.
Raj: If only that were true.

Howard: But I've done this before. And since you really, really want to go, I'll stay here.
Bernadette: Oh. Great.
Howard: Unless you don't want to because I was right and I do know you.
Bernadette: Well, if you really know me, then you know how far I'll go to prove a point.
Howard: Apparently, 34,000 feet that way, then straight back down, up and down, over and over again until you throw up food you didn't even eat.

Bernadette: See? I just think I shouldn't go.
Neil: Actually, this is much safer than driving a car.
Bernadette: Stay out of it, flyboy!