Leonard: Hey, Zack. Um, look, I-I know this is gonna be disappointing, but, um, I-I can't do this. No, no, no, no. I-I, I know how. I just can't. (stammers) But, hey, look, i-if you like, I-I know someone who might be interested.
[cut to Sheldon on the phone in Apartment 4B]
Amy: No! Absolutely not!
Sheldon: I'm sorry, my wife says I'm not allowed.

Bernadette: I hate this so much! Why am I doing this?!
Anu:To prove a stupid point to your husband!
Bernadette: Oh, right. Worth it.

Anu: They are definitely your weirdest friends.
Raj: If only that were true.

Howard: But I've done this before. And since you really, really want to go, I'll stay here.
Bernadette: Oh. Great.
Howard: Unless you don't want to because I was right and I do know you.
Bernadette: Well, if you really know me, then you know how far I'll go to prove a point.
Howard: Apparently, 34,000 feet that way, then straight back down, up and down, over and over again until you throw up food you didn't even eat.

Leonard: Uh, Wyatt, we need to talk.
Wyatt: Sure. What's up?
Leonard: I want you to back off. You know? If Penny and I don't have kids, that's between us. So you need to stay out of it.
Penny: Oh, Leonard, it's okay. We talked. We're good.
Leonard: Oh. Okay, you could've stopped me sooner.
Penny: Could've let you go longer.

Wyatt: But besides all that, being your dad is the best thing ever happened to me.
Penny: What about Randall and Lisa?
Wyatt: They're okay.

Penny: Yes. I feel like I'm letting everybody down. I hate disappointing Leonard, but I really hate disappointing you.
Wyatt: Oh, Slugger, you could never disappoint me. Okay, your high school years were a little rough.
Penny: Yeah. And I'm sorry about that.
Wyatt: There was you sneaking out at night and your boyfriends sneaking out in the morning.
Penny: I said sorry.
Wyatt: That time you got drunk and stole a horse.
Penny: Yeah. I was there. I remember. Parts of it.

Wyatt: That was a long run.
Penny: Yeah. Well, I was in the zone. You know, and then in a diner and then in a massage chair at the mall where I fell asleep.
Wyatt: Are you avoiding me?
Penny: Well, I took a nap next to Hot Dog on a Stick. What do you think?

Wyatt: You did great, Leonard. Very forceful.
Leonard: Yeah? (chuckles) I-I-I felt like my voice was a little shaky there.

Leonard: Hey, I decided to not go through with this Zack and Marissa thing.
Penny: Really? But you were so excited about it.
Leonard: I know. But, um, I think I was just fooling myself. I would be heartbroken if I had a kid out there and I wasn't his dad.
Penny: I know you would.
Leonard: Yeah. So, that thing you wanted to do last night, I'm available.
Wyatt: I got real good hearing there, stud.

Howard: Where are the changing rooms?
Neil: Dressing rooms are in the back.
Raj: No peeking.

Howard: Not to brag, but I'm an astronaut, so I've been weightless before. Can be pretty scary.
Bernadette: Please, I'm, like, 90 pounds. I'm weightless every time I hold more than three balloons.

Neil: Okay, I just need you guys to sign these waivers, and then you can go get changed.
Bernadette: There are a lot of pages here. Is this a waiver or a screenplay you've been working on?
Howard: I'm sure it's just boilerplate.
Neil: Absolutely. It's to protect us in case of injury.
Bernadette: It says, "Or death." Which is awesome.

Leonard: Well, I-I have to go to the clinic for Zack and Marissa on Monday, and I'm supposed to save myself until then.
Amy: Sounds like maybe Penny's not totally on board with that plan.
Leonard: Well, she said she was. But she also said I looked dope. Honestly, I don't even think I looked fly.

Amy: Why are you trying to avoid having sex?
Sheldon: Well, we just did it three weeks ago.
Amy: I was talking to Leonard!