Sheldon: Amy? There's something out here.
Amy: Just trap it under a cup, and I'll be there in a minute.
Sheldon: I'll try, but it's Leonard.
Amy: What? Well, what is he doing here?
Sheldon: I told you, if we left pizza on the counter, we'd attract something.

Bernadette: I'm a thrill-seeker, too. I've had to pull back since I became a mom, but I'll still jump on the back of a grocery cart and just roll through the meat section.
Howard: And I'm married to her, which is quite a ride.

Amy: Why are you trying to avoid having sex?
Sheldon: Well, we just did it three weeks ago.
Amy: I was talking to Leonard!

Leonard: Oh, hey, guys. Sorry. I used my key. I just needed a place to crash.
Amy: Is everything okay?
Leonard: Yeah, I had to get out of the apartment. My wife kept trying to have sex with me.
Sheldon: Been there.

Sheldon: So you're willing to go through with this, even though she clearly has reservations?
Leonard: If she has a problem, she should say something.
Sheldon: She tried to seduce you. If that's not a cry for help, I don't know what is.

Leonard: Well, I-I have to go to the clinic for Zack and Marissa on Monday, and I'm supposed to save myself until then.
Amy: Sounds like maybe Penny's not totally on board with that plan.
Leonard: Well, she said she was. But she also said I looked dope. Honestly, I don't even think I looked fly.

Leonard: Penny doesn't want to have kids. I respect that. But this is my chance to leave a part of me behind.
Amy: Okay, but this isn't gonna make you a dad. It's gonna be their baby, not yours.
Sheldon: Although, someday, if that kid wants to know why he's short, nearsighted, and asthmatic, he may hunt you down.

Penny: You have fun with your new best buddy?
Leonard: Hey, it's your fault your dad likes me. You dated idiots your whole life.
Penny: Well, he was right about one thing. I am married to a stud.
Leonard: Mm. Really?
Penny: Yeah, I felt so bad about selling you out, I thought I would maybe make it up to you.
Leonard: Wait, wait. I can't. I mean, I want to, but I'm not supposed to for the next three days.
Penny: Oh. That's right. I forgot. All right, well, guess I'll just read a little and then, I don't know, go to sleep.
Leonard: Really? That's what you're sleeping in?
Penny: Oh, you want me to take it off?
Leonard: No.
Penny: All right. Well, then pipe down and let me read my comic book.
Leonard: Penny, I-I know what you're doing. Just please stop.
Penny: Ooh, listen to this. "Bam. Pow. Take that, Batman."

Penny: I think this is going pretty good, huh?
Leonard: Maybe for you. You threw me under the bus.
Penny: Oh, I'm sorry. I panicked. He was judging me.
Leonard: Well, yeah, now he's judging me.
Penny: I know. It worked.

Wyatt: Well, I don't know about Los Angeles, but in Nebraska, that's kind of strange.
Penny: It's strange here, too, and we have a bakery for dogs.

Wyatt: So let me get this straight, Leonard. She doesn't want to have your baby, but her dumbbell ex-boyfriend does.
Leonard: Well, I- No, I wouldn't say it like that.
Wyatt: How would you say it?
Leonard: Uh, same words, just less angry.

Wyatt: You two might want to talk louder or quieter.
Penny: In high school, he could hear me open a can of beer in my closet under a blanket.

Leonard: Okay, look, they can't have kids of their own, and they like that I'm smart, and they want that for their child.
Wyatt: No, I get it.
Penny: You do?
Wyatt: Sure. Back on the farm, we had a prize stallion. We didn't let that just go to waste; we put him out to stud.
Penny: No, no, this is this is a little different than that-
Leonard: No, no, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Uh, you were comparing me to a prize stud. Go on.

Wyatt: And you're okay with this?
Penny: I support my husband.
Leonard: Thank you.
Penny: But, you know, if you think differently, you should feel free to say so. You know, just like, "Ah!" Make a scene.

Howard: No, just the bachelor party I had planned. I thought we'd do it anyway.
Bernadette: Oh, so a guys' weekend?
Howard: Kinda. I mean, Sheldon and Leonard couldn't make it, so Raj invited Anu and I asked Stuart.
Bernadette: Wait, you invited Stuart before me?
Howard: Actually, I invited Bert before Stuart, but I don't know why I just told you that.