Bernadette: So you don't want me to go?
Howard: No, I want you to go if you're gonna have fun. I don't want you to go if you're gonna be miserable and ruin it for everyone. Which is a long way of saying I want you to go!

Bernadette: Why didn't you invite me?
Howard: Because I know you. You don't want to float weightless in an airplane.
Bernadette: What are you talking about? I love doing crazy stuff like that.
Howard: Bernie, you got sick from the teacup ride at Disneyland.
Bernadette: Lots of people do.
Howard: We were still in line.

Howard: No, just the bachelor party I had planned. I thought we'd do it anyway.
Bernadette: Oh, so a guys' weekend?
Howard: Kinda. I mean, Sheldon and Leonard couldn't make it, so Raj invited Anu and I asked Stuart.
Bernadette: Wait, you invited Stuart before me?
Howard: Actually, I invited Bert before Stuart, but I don't know why I just told you that.

Penny: Dad, uh, come on in, sit down. Can I get you something to drink? Maybe a beer?
Wyatt: Sure, if you're having one.
Penny: Okay.
Wyatt: And why wouldn't you, since you're not pregnant?
Penny: Um. Leonard wants to have a baby with my ex-boyfriend Zack.
Leonard: How 'bout those Cornhuskers?

Leonard: Hey, Wyatt.
Wyatt: Leonard. Hey, that's a hell of a handshake.
Leonard: Ah, well, you know, I've been taking vitamins.

Penny: Okay, that's my dad. Now, remember, do not bring up any baby stuff, all right? Not me not wanting one, not you having one with Zack.
Leonard: Got it.
Penny: And if he brings it up, change the subject to literally anything else.
Leonard: I got it.
Penny: But not the Cornhuskers. Do not discuss the Cornhuskers.
Leonard: Is that a sports team?
Penny: Never mind, you're good.

Penny: What are those?
Leonard: Oh, vitamins. Zack wants me to take them to increase my virility.
Penny: Zack used the word "virility"?
Leonard: He may have said "wiener power."

Leonard: Yeah, I can't go either. Penny's dad is visiting from Nebraska, and I haven't seen him for a while.
Raj: Oh, that's nice you guys get along. I forget, Howard, does your father-in-law still hate you?
Howard: He doesn't hate me. He's just disappointed that I'm not any other man on the planet.
Sheldon: That's how I feel about Ben Affleck as Batman.

Howard: Hey, who wants to hear some exciting news?
Leonard: Oh, what's up?
Howard: This weekend, I got us four seats on the Vomit Comet.
Sheldon: Oh, you lost me at "vomit," you lost me again at "comet," and to be honest, I was on the fence at "us."

Sheldon: Leonard, if you had food on your face, would you want me to tell you?
Leonard: Where? Did I get it?
Sheldon: Oh, no, not now; it was last week. I didn't know whether or not to tell you, but everyone was staring. For the record, it was right there. And it was Nutella.
Leonard: Thanks.
Sheldon: You looked like a hazelnut Hitler.

Howard: Well, these two are out. There goes our guys' weekend.
Raj: Okay, so let's make it a couples' weekend. I'll bring Anu, you bring Bernadette.
Howard: I'm not sure Bernie would like it. Maybe I'll invite Stuart or Bert.
Sheldon: Oh, go with Bert! He's huge. It'd be fun to watch him float around. Like that time the Underdog balloon got away at the Macy's Parade.

Raj: I really think we made the right decision.
Howard: Agreed, although I did have a pretty awesome bachelor party planned for this weekend.
Raj: Really? What was it?
Howard: Well, I used my NASA connections to get us four seats on that plane that lets you experience weightlessness.
Raj: The Vomit Comet. That is so cool. I've always wanted to experience weightlessness. The closest I ever came was that time I accidentally set my scale to kilograms.

Raj: Uh, if you still want to go, you can go to India and help my dad eat all the nonrefundable sushi.
Howard: Indian sushi? I need a change of underwear just thinking about that.

Raj: So, this week would have been my wedding if Anu and I hadn't decided to slow things down.
Howard: Oh, yeah, I would have forgotten, except for those nonrefundable airline tickets to India I bought.
Raj: I'm sorry.
Howard: No, no. What's $3,000 between friends? Yeah, I probably would've just thrown it away on health care for my children.

Raj: We could still go. You know, make it a guys' weekend.
Howard: Yeah. (chuckles) All right, let's do it.
Raj: Great. It'll be like the good old days.
Howard: You mean when we were all sad, desperate and horribly alone?
Raj: I remember it more fondly.