Zack: Thank you, guys, again for agreeing to do this.
Marissa: Yeah, it means so much to us.
Leonard: Ah, we're happy we can help.
Penny: Yeah, and we don't find it weird at all.

Marissa: And, well, we're really hoping for a son. So just, like, keep that in mind when you're in there.
Zack: Yeah, just think, "Little boys, little boys."
Penny: Still just totally not weird.

Zack: Well, Leonard, we were hoping you'd go in on Monday.
Leonard: Okay.
Marissa: And they say, for the best results, between now and then, you shouldn't have sex.
Zack: Sorry, bro, I know it seems impossible to go for five days without, but I believe in you.
Leonard: Five days? My record is 24 years.
Penny: Uh, I think that also means no flying solo.
Leonard: Oh. Then my record is 14 years.

Marissa: It's a little weird for us, too. I mean, instead of our baby looking like Zack, it's gonna look like Leonard.
Zack: Or Penny if it's a girl.
Penny: No, no, it's not gonna look- Sure.

Sheldon: Hello.
Leonard: Oh, hey, Sheldon. We're kind of in the middle of something.
Sheldon: Oh, I won't be a moment. I just need to grab a book off a high shelf, which I can do because I am both tall and smart.
Amy: Sheldon, come home! They don't want to have your baby!
Sheldon: I don't know what you're talking about. Oh-oh, dear, I think I got something in my eye. My piercing, blue eye.
Amy: Sheldon!
Sheldon: Fine. I've also never had a cavity and I don't have asthma.

Leonard: You guys got a second?
Raj: Leonard, I told you, buddy. We don't need to use your laser.
Bert: Yeah, all we need is Terry Brad-saw. That's what I named my saw.

Stuart: Let me just lock up here.
Denise: Okay. So what do we do?
Stuart: Uh, well, if this is a worst-case scenario and we're the last two people alive, we're gonna, we're gonna have to rebuild civilization.
Denise: Do you have any special skills?
Stuart: I can draw. How 'bout you?
Denise: I can play clarinet.
Stuart: Oh, I didn't know that.
Denise: Yeah, ten years.
Stuart: Ah. You know, it, uh, might also be up to us to repopulate the Earth.
Denise: I'm okay with that.
Stuart: So shall we?
Denise: Wait here. I'm gonna brush my teeth.
Stuart: Sorry, we're closed!
Sheldon: This is going on Yelp!

Stuart: Is it just me or has no one been in the store for hours?
Denise: Yeah, it is weirdly quiet. [gasps] Nobody's in the street.
Stuart: Huh. Well, that's strange.
Denise: You thinking what I'm thinking?
Stuart: They cut that meteorite open and unleashed a space plague?
Denise: Exactly.

Howard: This is just delightful.
Bernadette: Do you think he knows we're the ones that got him in trouble?
Howard: Who cares?
Bernadette: I do. I met his wife. She seems really nice.
Andy: Sorry about the noise, neighbor!
Howard: No problem!
Andy: Hey, you guys know a Sheldon Cooper?!
Bernadette: No, we do not!

Raj: Really? You're jealous of us?
Leonard: Yeah. I even had this crazy dream last night where I ate you both.
Raj: Seriously?
Leonard: Uh. I know. I was pretty out of it.
Bert: Who'd you eat first?
Leonard: Oh. Uh, you.
Bert: [chuckles] Nice.

Sheldon: And you'll be happy to know that, while I was there, I did look into your neighbor's balcony, and it is encroaching on your property line. I had all this pent-up snitch energy, so I reported him hard.
Howard: What did they say?
Sheldon: He's going to have to remove it.
Bernadette: [chuckles] So the good guys win?
Sheldon: Well, I don't know if I'd call you the good guys.You're enforcing a law on him that you're willfully ignoring yourselves.
Bernadette: Uh, all right, fine. So the morally compromised guys win.
Sheldon: Apparently so. Now, if one of you'd be kind enough to take me home, I need to use my bathroom.
Howard: What's wrong with the one here?
Sheldon: I'm sorry, I want to live.

Howard: So, what's up?
Sheldon: I went down to the city Code Compliance Office to turn you in.
Howard: Are you kidding?
Sheldon: But I didn't do it. I filled out the form and then realized that the unwritten rules of friendship are more important than the written rules of the city of Altadena's Zoning and Planning Department.
Bernadette: Aww.
Howard: Really, "aww?"

Howard: Hey. What's going on?
Sheldon: Can you come over here?
Howard: Sheldon, the deck is safe. You can walk on it.
Sheldon: [after gently stepping onto the deck] Oh, that gets the heart going.

Penny: You're having a bad dream.
Leonard: Oh, thank God. I was eating my friends. Well, one friend and one acquaintance.
You know what, Bert's okay. Two friends.

Nathan: Well, how can I help you?
Sheldon: If I know someone in violation of the building code, should I turn them in?
Nathan: Interesting question.
Sheldon: Yeah, I know. Because, on the one hand, Confucius says we owe a greater responsibility to people we're close with rather than to society at large. But, on the other hand, Socrates says that we're obligated to obey all laws, even unjust ones.
And then, furthermore, if we're entertaining rules about when it's okay to break the rules, I should-- where does it end?
Nathan: Well, for me, it ends at 5:00.
Sheldon: Well, I just-- I don't know what to do.
Nathan: All I can tell you is that the building codes are there for everyone's safety.
Sheldon: Oh, so you're saying I have no choice but to turn them in.
Nathan: I did not say that.
Sheldon: But would you? And remember that I laughed at your "zone zone" joke.
Linda: It's not even a joke!
Sheldon: Oh, is that Linda back there?
Nathan: Yeah.
Sheldon: Aw. How are her hot flashes? Any better?