Raj: Hey, probably shouldn't say anything, but did you hear about Sheldon and the lunch lady?
Leonard: Yeah, uh, that's not true. That's just something Sheldon made up to test us.
Raj: I wish I'd known that before I called her a floozy in front of the whole lunch line.

Leonard: This is a list of the papers we need to pull. Why don't we split up? You take half, I take half.
Raj: I don't know, it's pretty creepy down here. Maybe we should stay together.
Leonard: Come on, Raj, it's just a library.
Raj: You could say that about anything. It's just a cemetery. It's just a haunted house.
It's just a portal to hell.

Leonard: Fine, how about we split up but we stay in constant communication with each other?
Raj: Yeah, thank you. Leonard?
Leonard: Still here.
Raj: Okay. Leonard?
Leonard: Still here.
Raj: Okay. Leonard? Leonard?
Leonard: (Leonard gasps) Oh, God! Too much dust.

Raj: Bam, took him out. (chuckles) Now I'm doing a victory dance to celebrate. Where are you?
Howard: About to shoot some dancing jackass.
Raj: Hey!
Howard: And now I'm doing a victory dance.

Bernadette: What you playing?
Howard: Fortnite. A bunch of people parachute onto an island and fight it out to be the last man standing.
Bernadette: Like Hunger Games?
Raj: More like Bachelor in Paradise, but not as cutthroat.

Bernadette: Sounds fun. Can I play?
Howard: I don't know if you'd like it. It's kind of for gamers.
Bernadette: Hey, I'm a gamer. I play Candy Crush, Bejeweled, and Sesame Street Letter School, which I beat our daughter at every single time.

Howard: This one's how you move, this is how you shoot. "A" jumps, "B" puts you into build mode.
Raj: And depending on what you want to build, you can use LB, RB, LT, or RT.
Bernadette: Just put me in, I'll figure it out.
Howard: Oh, sounds like me on our honeymoon.
Raj: Okay, you're skydiving down. You're almost to the ground. Now, when you land, you're gonna want- (gunfire) Okay, you're dead.
Bernadette: Wait, that's it? That wasn't fun at all.
Howard: Oh, now it sounds like you on our honeymoon.

Sheldon: Congratulations, Leonard, you passed my secret loyalty test. The truth is, I was never having an affair with the cafeteria lady. There's only one woman who gets to touch my no-no parts, and she's right here.
Amy: Sheldon.
Sheldon: No, no.

Leonard: Well, I am shocked, Sheldon, because I totally believed that the woman you reported for being stingy with the peas couldn't keep her hands off you.

Amy: Well, I am a little hurt that you weren't gonna tell me my husband was having an affair. I thought we were friends.
Leonard: I didn't really believe him.
Amy: Why not? You don't think other women find him attractive?
Leonard: (laughing) No.

Sheldon: I suppose you're wondering why I put you through all this.
Leonard: You mean the last two minutes or the last 20 years?

Sheldon: You know we're almost finished with our paper; we just need help tracking down the citations.
Leonard: That's busywork. Can't you just get a grad student to do it?
Amy: No, this paper is incredibly important to us, and we need someone we can trust.
Please, it would mean a lot.
Leonard: You know what? Sure. The three of us in the library looking up old papers, that actually could be kind of fun.
Sheldon: Oh, no, we won't be there.
Leonard: It just got more fun.

Amy: Sheldon, do you want to put the tables after each section or in an appendix at the end?
Sheldon: You know what? We wrote this paper together. I think we should decide together that they go in an appendix at the end.
Amy: How about that? There is an "I" in "team.

Amy: Look at what we made.
Sheldon: I know. It really is the best of both of us. It's got my math and your sassy takedown of the fundamental nature of symmetry. It's got my bottomless intellectual curiosity and your petulant refusal to spell "grey" with an "a" like an American.

Amy: You realize we still have a lot of work to do before we can publish.
Sheldon: Perhaps we should divide and conquer. Now, you track down all the citations and properly note them in our bibliography, and I will roll up my sleeves and decide what font we want to use.
Amy: Sheldon, there are hundreds of citations to track down.
Sheldon: And thousands of fonts, but you don't hear me complaining.