Amy: I am not gonna spend weeks in a library looking up old papers. Can't we hire a grad student to do it?
Sheldon: A grad student? I am not trusting our unpublished paper to some millennial. They'll put unicorn emojis on it and then post it on social media.
Amy: Why would they do that?
Sheldon: Economic anxiety, too much avocado toast, who cares?

Sheldon: The point is, we can't afford to have this paper leaked before we're ready to publish. That's how you kiss the Nobel Prize good-bye instead of hello as I intend to do.
Amy: I assume you mean metaphorically.
Sheldon: Absolutely not. If the King of Sweden hands me a medal, I intend to smear it with Purell and then kiss it.

Amy: But what if we ask one of our friends to help us out? How about Leonard?
Sheldon: Gee, I don't know. Can we trust him?
Amy: He's your best friend in the whole world.
Sheldon: Yes, but he's always struck me as the guy in the plane crash who doesn't wait until you're all the way dead to eat you.
Amy: I think you can trust him.
Sheldon: Oh, Amy, you never lose that childlike innocence.

Sheldon: Leonard, I need to tell you something. I'm having an affair.
Leonard: Okay.
Sheldon: You have to swear not to tell anybody.
Leonard: Okay.
Sheldon: You are the only one who knows. Uh, well, you and Rita, the cafeteria lady who has been giving me more than Tater Tots.

Penny: What did he want?
Leonard: Oh, nothing. He just concocted some stupid test to see if I can keep a secret.
Penny: Ooh, what's the secret?
Leonard: I'm not gonna tell you that. The test is stupid, but I still want to pass.

Mrs. Fowler: And Amy never joins us for Sunday dinners because you refuse to go out on a school night.
Sheldon: I can go out on a school night as long as I'm in my PJs by 10:00.

Amy: Sheldon, don't listen to her. She doesn't know what she's talking about. She's crazy!
Mrs. Fowler: Hello, Amy.
Amy: Hello, Mother.
Mrs. Fowler: Great news. We-we can come for Thanksgiving this year.

Mrs. Fowler: I can't believe it. All this time I've been angry at you when I should have been angry at Amy.
Sheldon: Look at that. We're both angry at Amy. Maybe that's something we could bond over. Let me ask you this: how do you feel about Howard?
Mrs. Fowler: Oh, is he that odd little friend you have with the haircut?
Sheldon: I may have married the wrong Fowler.

Mrs. Fowler: Why would Amy feel the need to lie to me?
Amy: Well, perhaps because you're her mother and she didn't want to disappoint you.
Mrs. Fowler: Really? Even after she threw you under the bus, you're still gonna defend her.
Amy: Oh, yes. She's my wife and I love her. And if I can forgive her for putting ketchup on her eggs, I can forgive her for this.
Mrs. Fowler: Her father does that, it's disgusting.
Sheldon: Amy's crazy, you are a delight.

Anu: Last night was wonderful.
Raj: But all we did was talk.
Anu: Yeah. And it was wonderful. Am I safe to assume you talking to me now is a good sign for our marriage?
Raj: Yeah, and for my liver.

Raj: Hey, about the other thing. Um, should we just wait for another night?
Anu: Or I go take a shower, and you decide how you want to play this. [Raj ponders] Take a shower with me, Raj.

Mrs. Fowler: Thank you, Amy. It's so nice of you to have us over for dinner.
Amy: Couldn't think of a single reason not to.
Sheldon: Yeah, and boy, did she try.
Amy: Thank you, honey.
Sheldon: Oh, you're welcome, dear.

Mr. Fowler: Watch closely. Voilà.
Amy: Oh, my gosh, that was so good. Well, look, there's fake blood, too.
Mr. Fowler: I'll be right back. [rushes to the bathroom]

Mrs. Fowler: I don't know about you, but I don't really like magic.
Sheldon: You just keep getting better and better.

Sheldon: So the doctor prescribed Nizoral and it blocked enzyme action, and the fungus cleared right up.
Mrs. Fowler: That's a very disturbing picture.
Sheldon: Yes, well, they say a picture's worth a thousand words, but I say nothing beats a picture and a thousand words.
Mrs. Fowler: Still, you might want to take it off Facebook.
Sheldon: Oh, no. It's in my nature to share.