Sheldon: So, your turn. Uh, other than Amy, have you every had anything removed from your body?
Mrs. Fowler: I am not going to answer that.
Sheldon: Smart. Save something for our next get-together.

Sheldon: Oh, we should commemorate this one with a selfie. Oh, look at us, two peas in a pod. Oh, speaking of vegetables, how about I start calling you Old Lady Green Beans?

Penny: Hey, you look deep in thought.
Leonard: Ah, I'm just reflecting.
Penny: About what?
Leonard: The first time we slept together.
Penny: Oh, honey. Don't beat yourself up; it's great now.

Amy: My mom thinks that Sheldon is the reason I don't spend a lot of time with her.
Penny: Well, why would she think that?
Amy: Because I told her. You need a cup of coffee? Wake up!

Penny: So you've been using Sheldon as an excuse to get out of seeing your mother?
Amy: I know. I feel terrible. I love my mom but, you know, sometimes-
Penny: Yeah. We-We've met her.

Sheldon: And then you ask me 20 questions to try to determine which Nobel Prize-winning physicist I am. Ready? Go.
Mrs. Fowler: Can I give up?
Sheldon: No. 19 questions left. (ringtone playing)
Mrs. Fowler: Are you gonna get that?
Sheldon: Oh, no. We're in the middle of a game. 18 questions left.
Mrs. Fowler: Answer the phone, Sheldon.

Sheldon: [on the phone] Hello, Amy.
Amy: Hey, how's it going?
Sheldon: Well, Howard lured your dad away with magic, so now I'm bonding with your mom. [Mrs. Fowler stares at Sheldon] I think she likes me.

Mrs. Fowler: I'd like you a lot better if you weren't keeping my daughter away from me.
Sheldon: Uh, wh-- Hang on, Amy. What's the problem, Green Beans?
Mrs. Fowler: Amy said she couldn't come to Thanksgiving dinner because you always have to spend it with your mother.
Sheldon: I haven't spent Thanksgiving with my mother in years. Amy, why would you tell your mother that I spend Thanksgiving with my mother?
Amy: Uh, no time to talk about that now. All your action figures are on fire. Harrison Ford's in the lobby. Come quick.

Anu: Sorry, I had to use the facilities. With a bottle of champagne?
Raj: Mm, I like to celebrate the little things in life. You need to go? There's still some left.
Anu: Raj, what is going on?
Raj: No, no, it's not what's going on, it's what's comin' off.
Anu: Stop it. You're acting weird, and it's freaking me out.
Raj: Why? Because I couldn't talk and ran in the bathroom to slug back a bottle of champagne when I pretended to pee?

Howard: It's okay. Here, let me show you again.
Mr. Fowler: It's like you're actually magic.
Bernadette: You can do that but you still can't get my bra off.
Howard: The rings don't roll their eyes at me.

Sheldon: Excuse me, Turnip, we need to get going.
Mr. Fowler: But-but Howard was gonna show me some close-up magic.
Sheldon: Well, if you want to see real magic, I'll take you to Union Station, home to trains, subways and buses that, every half hour - voilà - drive to the airport.

Raj: Okay, you wanted the truth, here it is.
Anu: You have a drinking problem.
Raj: No. I, uh, I have a talking problem, and a drinking solution.

Raj: Oh, Anu, for most of my life, I got so nervous around women that I couldn't talk to them without alcohol.
Anu: So you've been drunk every time we've seen each other?
Raj: No. No. It hasn't happened in a long time. And I really thought I was over it, but I guess I don't know, I guess I wanted so much for tonight to go well, that I stressed myself out. It came back.
Anu: Why didn't you tell me about this before?
Raj: I was embarrassed.
Anu: I get that.

Anu: If it makes you feel any better, I've got things I'm embarrassed about, too.
Raj: Really? Will you tell me one?
Anu: Okay. Um, ugh. I hate telling people this. I don't like music.
Raj: What kind of music?
Anu: Just all of it. It sort of seems like a waste of time.
Raj: Even Beyonce?
Anu: See, this is why I don't tell people.
Raj: No. Um, it's fine. It's just, have you heard "Single Ladies"?
Anu: Yeah, and I don't get it. I mean, the lyrics are "Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh."
Raj: You have to sing it in the voice of a goddess. Like: Oh, wa-ah, oh Wa-ah, oh Oh, oh, oh Wa-ah, oh. (laughs)
Anu: My point is, we both have our little eccentricities.
Raj: Little eccentricities? One is a deep-seated psychological disturbance, and the other can be solved by half a glass of chardonnay.

Howard: Hey, have you checked the dates on these? They're all expired.
Stuart: You buy candy in a comic book store, you get what you get.