Amy: Oh. Isn't this nice?
Sheldon: What is it?
Amy: You know, it's, uh, it's one of those- Nope, doesn't do that.
Sheldon: Oh, maybe it's candy. Lick it.
Amy: I don't want to lick it. You lick it.
Sheldon: I'm not gonna lick it. I just brushed my teeth.

Amy: Is it from one of your dumb sci-fi shows?
Sheldon: Uh, none of the sci-fi shows I watch are dumb.
Amy: Sheldon.
Sheldon: Okay, Westworld. But this has nothing to do with that show, other than it's also inexplicable.

Amy: Well, Leonard and Penny are our best friends. They know us better than anyone. They said it's the perfect gift. We must be missing something. You don't think it's a marital aid, do you?
Sheldon: Don't be silly. Amy, how is this big glass shaft going to aid our marriage?

Sheldon: But I think, by the end of the honeymoon, we really started to feel like a married couple.
Amy: But the good kind, like on TV, not like my parents.

Howard: You're not a real married couple until you can pee with the door open and she's okay with it.
Bernadette: I told you, I'm not okay with it.
Howard: She loves it.

Amy: So, we got everybody gifts.
Penny: Aw.
Leonard: Did you forget about us until you were at the airport?
Sheldon: No. We forgot about you until we were on the plane. Luckily, there was Wi-Fi, and I have Amazon Prime.

Bernadette: "I heart New York." Aw, the baby's gonna love throwing up on this.

Sheldon: Look, it doesn't have to just be New York. That's the beauty of it. Uh, the initials "N.Y." can stand for anything you like. For instance, I understand that there is an elderly rock-and-roll musician named Neil Young. Perhaps you heart him. Or if not him, Egyptian table tennis silver medalist Noha Yossry. Or Nana Yamaguchi, the Japanese voice actress who starred in Sally the Witch.
Raj: Did you just Google the initials "N.Y."?
Sheldon: I had Wi-Fi and a long plane flight. Draw your own conclusions.

Penny: Well, guys, that was very, very thoughtful of you. Did you get me a double XL?
Amy: I told you.
Sheldon: You were right, dear.

Sheldon: I brought you two hot dogs.
Amy: Aren't you gonna eat one?
Sheldon: From a street cart? Are you crazy? I'm amazed that I'm holding them.

Sheldon: You realize that I'm not a particularly physical person.
Amy: I know.
Sheldon: When I was little, and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I'd always say, "A brain in a jar."
Amy: Sure.

Sheldon: I'm just worried that if I don't schedule our bedroom endeavors, then I may not think about them, and you'll grow cold and distant and seek solace in the arms of a heavily-muscled longshoreman.
Amy: Where would I find a longshoreman?
Sheldon: Along the shore. It's in the name.

Amy: Sheldon, I could never be with anybody but you.
Sheldon: That's good to know. I wouldn't want to fight a man who's brave enough to touch a fish.

Amy: How's this for a compromise? Make all the schedules you want, just don't tell me about them.
Sheldon: Excellent. I'll create an algorithm that'll generate a pseudo-random schedule.
Yeah, and do you know why it won't be a true random schedule?
Amy: Because the generation of true random numbers remains an unsolved problem in computer science.
Sheldon: Come with me.
Amy: Where are we going?
Sheldon: To the hotel room. And when we get there, I'm gonna need you to say that again, except naked.

Raj: Go for Dr. K.
Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson: Is this Rajesh Koothrappali?
Raj: Yes. Who is this?
Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson: Neil deGrasse Tyson.
Raj: (stammers) Uh, wow. (chuckles) How fun is this Twitter thing, huh?
Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson: You think you're funny?
Raj: I'm not Seinfeld funny, but I did an open mic night once.
Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson: You're not funny.
Raj: Yeah, that's what they said at the Chuckle Hut.
Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson: How about this, I've got a book signing at Vroman's in Pasadena next week. Why don't you come by and say some of those things to my face?
Raj: (chuckles) Oh, no, but thanks for the invite.
Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson: Smart move, and the next time you pick up your phone, remember, I'm the guy who kicked Pluto out of the solar system.
Raj: And it deserved it, sir. Thank you. Bye-bye.