Penny: I've been having leftovers at the restaurant for like four days and I wanted something different. So sue me.
Sheldon: Forgive me, Penny, but that would be the very definition of a frivolous lawsuit.

Penny: Wow, you got a lot of money in there.
Sheldon: That's why it's guarded by snakes.

Penny: I'll pay you back as soon as I can.
Sheldon: Of course you will. It's impossible to pay me back sooner than you can. Assuming you subscribe to a linear understanding of time and causality.

Sheldon: My expenses account for 46.9% of my after-tax income. The rest is divvied up between a small savings account, this deceptive container of peanut brittle, and the hollowed-out buttocks of a superhero action figure who shall remain nameless for his own protection. Or her own protection.

Sheldon: I see no large upcoming expenditures unless they develop an affordable technology to fuse my skeleton with admantium like Wolverine.
Penny: Are they working on that?
Sheldon: I sincerely hope so.

Penny: The building manager's showing an apartment downstairs, and I haven't paid my rent.
Sheldon: Oh, I see. Penny, I'm not sure I'm comfortable harboring a fugitive from the 2311 North Los Robles Corporation.

Penny: Well, it's a little juvenile. I mean, it kind of looks like the MySpace page of a 13-year-old girl.
Leonard: No, it doesn't.
Howard: Please, Dateline could use it to attract predators.

Sheldon: When I signed for this package, I was deputized by the United Parcel Service, and entrusted with its final delivery. I now need you to acknoweldge receipt of the package so I'm fully indemnified and no longer liable.
Penny: Sheldon, it's just a box of rhinestones.
Sheldon: Well, the content are irrelevant. A legal bailment has been created. Does that mean nothing to you?
Penny: It means nothing to anybody.

Howard: Hey, you know what'd be a great idea? We get some girls over here and play Laser Obstacle Strip Chess.
Leonard: Believe me, Howard, any girl who would be willing to play that, you don't want to see naked.
Howard: You underestimate me.

Howard: Hey, ma, you got to rent me a tux!
Mrs. Wolowitz: Right now? What kind of sex are you having up there?

Leonard: Why are you crouching there?
Sheldon: This is my spot. Where else am I supposed to crouch?
Leonard: I don't know, Texas?

Penny: There, nice and comfy cosy. Zero, zero, zero.
Sheldon: There's one more zero. You forgot the time parameter.
Penny: Sit on the damn couch.

Leonard: Penny, I think I know what to do. Sheldon, I have some more bad news.
Sheldon: More?
Leonard: I'm afraid so. You know the cashew chicken I get you Monday nights?
Sheldon: Yes. From Szechuan Palace.
Leonard: Szechuan Palace closed two years ago.
Sheldon: What? Where did my cashew chicken come from?
Leonard: Golden Dragon.
Sheldon: No. No, this isn't right. Our food always comes in Szechuan Palace containers.
Leonard: Yeah, well, before they went out of business, I bought 4,000 containers. I keep them in the trunk of my car.

Sheldon: What's real? What isn't? How can I know?
Penny: You did make that up, right?
Leonard: Oh, God, I wish I had.

Penny: Boy, I love him, but he is one serious wackadoodle.