Howard: Don't come in, Ma.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Why not?
Leslie: He's got company.
Howard: Oh, there's the arrhythmia.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Is she Jewish?
Howard: Are you Jewish?
Leslie: No.
Howard: Yes!

Leonard: There's no discernible butt print.
Penny: Oh, come on. (Sits and wiggles around) There, butt print.
Leonard: It's too small and perfect.
Penny: Thank you.
Leonard: You're welcome.

Mrs. Wolowitz: Okay then, you kids have fun. Use protection!

Penny: Boy, I love him, but he is one serious wackadoodle.

Sheldon: I think the time has come to acknowledge that we are paying the price for some of us failing to attend my Physics Department paintball strategy meeting.
Howard: I told you, my mom has spider veins. I had to take her to the laser clinic.

Sheldon: That is my spot. In an ever-changing world, it is a single point of consistency. If my life were expressed as a function on a four-dimensional Cartesian coordinate system, that spot at the moment I first sat on it would be zero-zero-zero-zero.

Howard: Court-martial, shmort-martial, Leslie Winkle is the fifth girl I've ever had sex with. I mean, for free.
Raj: And plus, you got a rapid prototyper. That's an expensive piece of equipment, dude.
Leonard: And the rest of us have had our budgets cut to the bone.
Howard: Okay. One way to look at this is I'm getting new equipment and you're not, and that's unfair. But a better way to look at this is that I'm getting sex and you're not, and that's delightful.

Raj: Did you guys see the new budget memo that went out this morning?
Leonard: Yeah, more cutbacks.
Sheldon: Unacceptable. It baffles me why they don't simply let some of you go so that there's money available for my research.

Leonard: You know what baffles me, Sheldon?
Sheldon: Based on your academic record, any number of things, I would imagine.

Howard: Ma, I'm putting you on speaker-phone with Raj's parents. Can you tell them that you're okay with me going to the Arctic?
Mrs. Wolowitz Arctic? I thought you said Arkansas.

Mrs. Koothrappali: I told you no. Why don't you believe me?
Mrs. Wolowitz Cause it doesn't make sense to me. How can it be that in the entire country of India, there isn't one Outback Steakhouse?

Howard: Enough with the guilt, ma. We'll still see each other. I'll come over every night and have dinner with you.
Mrs. Wolowitz The hell you will! What am I running here, a fancy restaurant? Does this look like the Olive Garden?

Howard: Okay, I get it. You're angry. You don't want to see your little bird leave the nest.
Mrs. Wolowitz Little bird? You're almost thirty. Fly, for God's sake!

Mrs. Wolowitz Should I ask Leonard to bring over your homework?
Howard: I don't have homework. I'm a grown man with a master's degree in engineering.
Mrs. Wolowitz Excuse me, Mr. Fancy Pants. Want me to get you a popsicle?

Mrs. Wolowitz Tell her we're going to the Olive Garden. I have a coupon from the paper.
Howard: We're not going to the Olive Garden, ma!
Mrs. Wolowitz Oh, Mr. Big Shot with his Red Lobster.