Leonard: Amy, how long would it take for that mad cow disease to kill me?
Amy: I don't know, four or five years.
Leonard: No, it's not gonna do it.

Leonard: Leonard's coming down the home stretch. Come on, horsey, you can do this Damn. Come on, thigh muscles, you can do this. Yes, first place! I would have been a great jockey if I weren't too tall. And scared of horses.

Leonard: If you're worried, we can go over there and see if she's all right.
Sheldon: Okay. You know, I heard in the news a bobcat has been spotted in her neighborhood.
Leonard: I don't think Amy was eaten by a bobcat.
Sheldon: Who thinks Amy was eaten by a bobcat?
Leonard: You do?
Sheldon: Leonard, I was just mentioning an interesting local news item. Now, thanks to you, I'm worried Amy's been eaten by a bobcat.

Amy: Sheldon, what are you doing here?
Sheldon: You didn't respond to any of my electronic communications.
Amy: I wanted to be alone.
Sheldon: Would you like to talk about it? And keep in mind that no is a perfectly viable answer.

Amy: Sheldon, my world is crumbling around me.
Sheldon: Point of order. As you're in distress, it would be customary for me to offer you a hot beverage. But I'm a guest in your home, so it would be customary for you to offer me a beverage. How do you want to proceed vis-a-vis beverages?

Raj: I'm thinking about adopting some quirky affectation, like a pipe or a monocle or a handlebar moustache.
Leonard: For all those girls out there looking for the Indian Monopoly man?

Penny: Where's Sheldon?
Leonard: Oh, he was up late last night, so I gave him an early dinner and put him to bed.
Bernadette: That's so sweet.
Leonard: Yeah, but now he's gonna be up at dawn and want to play.

Sheldon: Did you know that when Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he proposed answering it with "ahoy"?

Raj: (Talking to the snake) Let's go to the biology lab and find you some nice yummy mice.
Sheldon: I tried to scare an Indian with a snake. Come on, Cooper. You're better than this.

Sheldon: All right, so the topic at hand is sexual fidelity. Probably won't be relying on Suess here. Although One Fish Two Fish, Red Fish Blue Fish might be surprisingly applicable here.

Sheldon: It's me, Mrs. Wolowitz.
Howard: That's not my mom, it's Bernadette.
Sheldon: Really? That's very unsettling.

Leonard: More Halloween candy. Didn't you just buy a bunch of it yesterday?
Penny: Oh, yeah. That's gone. It's a rough month when Halloween and PMS hit at the same time.

Sheldon: [jumps out of the sofa] Bazinga, punk. Now we're even!

Wolowitz: (To Leonard) Did I just see you pick up a girl in a comic book store?
Stuart: Because if you did, you get your picture up there, on the Wall of Heroes.

Sheldon: I am also a son of the Lone Star state. I'm Texas through and through. And we know how to settle scores down there. If you doubt me, just ask Mexico.