Raj: Can we change the subject? Spiders give me the jeebie-jeebies.
Howard: It's heebie-jeebies.
Raj: I know, but that sounds anti-Semitic.

Raj: Anyway, I was thinking we could have a little film festival tonight. The theme, movies that killed their franchises.
Leonard: Oh. Like Jaws 4, Indiana Jones 4, Daredevil 1.
Raj: Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous. I mean, you know a movie's bad when my home-girl Sandy B can't save it.

Sheldon: You know what I like to do when I'm forced to speak with those beneath my intellectual station? I bring up an interesting topic, like the difference between Spider-Man and spiders.
Howard: Thanks, Sheldon. I'll try that with my father-in-law.
Sheldon: No, you can't use that one. That's mine.

Sheldon: Uh, try this one for an ice-breaker. Uh, despite popular lore, there is no place in the continental United States, Alaska or Hawaii from which one can dig straight through the center of the earth and come up in China.
Howard: Great, thank you.
Sheldon: Actually, you can't have that one either. It's too good. Sorry.

Amy: I think I'm too sick to go to the funeral.
Sheldon: You're sick? You poor kid. Well, see ya.
Amy: Sheldon, aren't you gonna take care of me?
Sheldon: Me? No. No, I'm not that kind of doctor.
Amy: But our relationship agreement clearly states that when one of us is sick, the other must take care of them.
Sheldon: Oh, no, I see the confusion. No, the intent behind that clause was to force you to take care of me when I'm ill. When you're feeling better, you'll think that's funny.

Howard: How's that dinner coming?
Bernadette: I just put it in. It's gonna be a while.
Howard: I like rare chicken. Let's do this.
Bernadette: You could die.
Howard: (To Mike) Death by chicken. That's a pretty fowl way to go.

Howard: So, Mrs. Rostenkowski, you took that trip to the Grand Canyon. How was it?
Mrs. Rostenkowski: It was good.
Howard: Had no idea you were the chatty one.

Sheldon: 102.2. Exactly what it was half an hour ago. It's like you're not even trying to get better.
Amy: Sheldon, you don't get over the flu in half an hour.
Sheldon: Well, not with that attitude.

Sheldon: How can you sleep? I'm not done making you feel better. I still have to put a cold rag on your head, sing to you and apply VapoRub to your chest.
Amy: You, you want to rub something on my chest?
Sheldon: Yes. All over it.
Amy: Maybe we should start with that.
Sheldon: Now you're being a responsible patient. Now, you may notice some tingling.
Amy: Oh, I'm counting on it.

Bernadette: Hey, Dad, maybe you could take Howard fishing sometime. Give you guys a chance to get to know each other better.
Howard: No, no. We know each other well enough. He's been talking my ear off all night.

Howard: I've never even been fishing. This is gonna be a disaster.
Raj: If you don't want to look foolish doing something, you should practice. Do you know how many Beef Wellingtons I made by myself before I invited you guys over? I'll give you a hint. You can see them here, here and here.

Penny: Step one, worms.
Howard: Ew!
Penny: Okay, right there, "ew" is one of the things you're not gonna want to say in front of your father-in-law. It's right up there with icky and get it away. Now pick one up.
Howard: Really?
Penny: You're gonna have to do it when you're fishing.
Howard: Okay.
Penny: What are you waiting for?
Howard: I don't know, for them to die of natural causes.
Penny: Just pick up a worm and put him on this hook.

Sheldon: (reading) And the control group displayed significantly fewer genetic abnormalities. But, because of flaws in the experimental design relating to environment and diet, they lived inconclusively ever after. The end.

Bernadette: How's the poor thing?
Sheldon: Oh, I'm hanging in there. Thanks for asking.

Sheldon: Uh, I'm going to draw you a soothing bath. Where's your bath thermometer?
Amy: I don't have a bath thermometer.
Sheldon: Fine. Then I'm going to draw you a nerve-wracking bath of indeterminate temperature.