Raj: Before I forget, I'd like your opinion on the menus I've prepared for the Halloween party. The theme is "Food That Goes Bump in the Night".
Howard: "Creature from the Black Forest Ham Lagoon".
Raj: On sesame seed bunzillas.
Sheldon: "Night of the Living Garlic Bread"?
Raj: It's funny because bread sounds like dead.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, but these are just ordinary foods with the names bent into tortured puns. The dishes themselves are in no way Halloweeny.
Raj: Ooh, Hallo-weenies! That's a good one. They'll pair nicely with my "Draculoni and Cheese". How do I do it?

Penny: See, that's the kind of passion I didn't think I had. But then I realized I'm passionate about you.
Leonard: Oh, my cute little tushy strikes again.
Penny: No, I'm serious. Look, I've always had these plans. I was gonna be in movies and live this glamorous life, and anything less than that just wasn't worth getting excited about.
Leonard: Those things can still happen.
Penny: Oh, obviously it's gonna happen. Yeah, a psychic at a bachelorette party told me so. Anyway, what I meant was, I shouldn't wait, you know? I've got you, I've got Sheldon, all these wonderful friends. My life is exciting right now.
Leonard: That's a big deal.
Penny: It is, isn't it?
Leonard: So, does that mean we get to do stuff like talk about cool shows or get dressed up in matching costumes and go to Comic-Con?
Penny: Leonard, I had an epiphany, not a stroke.

Sheldon: Amy, when I look in your eyes and you're looking back in mine, everything feels not quite normal. Because I feel stronger and weaker at the same time. I feel excited and, at the same time, terrified. The truth is, I don't know what I feel, except I know what kind of man I want to be.
Amy: Sheldon, that was beautiful.
Sheldon: I should hope so, that's from the first Spider-Man movie.
Amy: I'll take it.

Alex: Well, I know she loves playing the harp, so I found this beautiful music box that plays one of her favorite songs.
Sheldon: Now, Amy already has a real harp and it can play any song. What are you trying to pull here?

Sheldon: Well, Howard, thank you. It's quite a gesture on your part. You've shown yourself to be the bigger man.
Howard: Thank you.
Sheldon: Which I found totally unacceptable. I must be the bigger man. Therefore, you may use my spot until such time as I learn to drive or get a Batmobile.

Raj: Huh. That is so strange. Human Resources wants to talk to me tomorrow. [to his dog] Could you stop licking your ass for two minutes? I have a problem here.

Sheldon: That's my parking spot.
Raj: Why do you have a parking spot? You don't have a car. You don't even drive.
Leonard: Maybe they reassigned it because you never use it.
Sheldon: Well, I'm not using my nipples either. Maybe they should reassign those.

Sheldon: Hello, I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper. Welcome to Sheldon Cooper Presents Fun with Flags. Get ready for a very special episode where we explore the flags of the popular entertainment franchise, Star Trek. And to help us, I’m pleased to introduce a special guest, surprisingly, it only took gas money and the promise of free food to get him here, Mr. LeVar Burton.
LeVar Burton: Hey, Sheldon, it's a pleasure to be here. Well, we've got some interesting flags for-
Amy: Cut. Yikes, this guy is worse than Wil Wheaton.

Sheldon: I don't know what she's talking about, but I'm obligated to agree with her. She's my girlfriend.
LeVar Burton: Ah, I hear you, brother. I still get lunch, right?

Penny: So what are you drinking?
Sheldon: Well, it’s been a rough day. I usually go chamomile tea, but I don't think that's going to cut it.
Penny: You could have a Long Island Iced Tea.
Sheldon: Will that calm my nerves?
Penny: It's calmed the pants off me a couple of times.
Sheldon: Sold.

Bernadette: Aw, she'll be okay. She's a grown woman.
Howard: I know. It's just ever since my dad left, I've felt responsible for her.
Bernadette: That's a lot for a kid to deal with.
Howard: She was just so sad all the time. I was the only person who could cheer her up. Well, me and Ben and Jerry.
Bernadette: She's lucky you were there.
Howard: You know, she's why I first got into magic. I would do little shows for her, hang up a bedsheet like it was a curtain, put on a top hat and cape. And part way through the act, I would say I needed a volunteer from the audience to be my beautiful assistant and invite her up on stage. I can still remember the way she'd smile. For a few minutes, she'd forget how lonely she was.
Bernadette: Aw, crap. Let's go.
Howard: Where we going?
Bernadette: Grab a box. We'll sleep at your mother's place tonight.
Howard: No, but I want to live here.
Bernadette: Well, you should've thought of that before you told me the stupid magic trick story.

Howard: I remember when I was five, hiding under this desk with all my Halloween candy. Had some Peanut M&Ms, went into my first anaphylactic shock and had to be rushed to the hospital. Came home, celebrated with a Snickers, went into my second anaphylactic shock.
Raj: When did you figure out you were allergic to nuts?
Howard: Sometime around the third Almond Joy.

Leonard: Okay. You want to start loading this stuff into the truck?
Howard: Yeah, I guess. Hey, would you do me a favor? Go on ahead. I just want one last moment alone in my old room.
Leonard: We're not standing outside by the U-Haul while you fondle yourself.
Howard: Fine, let's go.

Sheldon: Amy deserves better. You know, when we buy the Planter's deluxe mix, she eats all the Brazil nuts so I don't have to look at them. She's a unique blend of saint and squirrel.

Wil Wheaton: Hey, Sheldon, what's up?
Sheldon: Wouldn't you like to know?
Wil Wheaton: Have you been drinking?
Sheldon: Just tea. S'the best tea I've ever had.
Wil Wheaton: Why are you here?
Sheldon: I'll tell you. I'm from Texas. Need I say more?
Wil Wheaton: Yeah, actually, a little more would be helpful.