Howard: Well, remember the Soyuz capsule they were sending to bring us home?
Bernadette: Uh huh.
Howard: It's delayed. We're gonna be here for at least another week. Maybe ten days. It's the Russians, so you don't know. They left dogs up here in the sixties.

Bernadette: You're going to be fine. You survived that Weight Watchers cruise with your mom. And they ran out of low-fat ice cream on day two. Just calm down and take a few deep breaths.

Amy: Sheldon told me he had a new assistant named Alex. He didn't mention that Alex was a girl.
Penny: Maybe he didn't notice.

Penny: She is not going to come on to Sheldon.
Amy: Oh, really? Look at this face. How can any woman spend eight hours a day alone with this face and not fall in love with it?
Penny: Well, for starters, at some point that face starts talking.

Penny: What are you doing?
Amy: Isn't it obvious? I'm spreading my scent to mark my territory.
Penny: Come on, Amy. That is not going to work.
Amy: Really? Because just before you became my best friend, I did this all over your apartment.

Leonard: Wait, Alex, do you want to join us?
Sheldon: Alex, a moment. I need a word with Dr. Hofstadter.
Do you think it's appropriate for her to sit with us, given her station?
Leonard: Given her what?
Sheldon: If I've learned anything from British television shows on PBS, it's that servants dine down stairs with their own kind.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: It's a kindness, Leonard. Otherwise, you're cruelly tempting them with a glimpse of a world that's just beyond their soot-stained fingertips.

Bernadette: How you doing, Howie? You feeling a little better?
Howard: Oh, a lot better, thanks. One sec. Listen close, I don't have a lot of time. I need you to go to my house. In my bedroom, you'll find a model rocket. I want you to take it and bring it back to your place.
Bernadette: Okay.
Howard: Step two, build a version roughly fourteen stories high. Fill it full of rocket fuel and come get me. I'll leave the door unlocked.
Bernadette: Howie, honey, maybe you should talk to someone, let them know you're having a little anxiety.
Howard: No, no, I'm fine. No anxiety. We should probably talk in code. From now on, frog is me, sandwich means you and lemon means rocket. So, come on, sandwich, build me a lemon 'cause froggy wants to come home.

Penny: Well, of course he's desirable. I mean, he's great. He's smart, he's sweet and, ooh, in the bedroom, whew, let me tell you he really tries.

Howard: Hey, Bernie? Before you go, can you do something for me?
Bernadette: What do you want me to do?
Howard: Okay, here it is. I really miss gravity. Can you drop something so I can watch it fall?
Bernadette: Really, you're serious? Okay. (Drops a pencil)
Howard: Oh, baby, you're killing me.

Penny: Hey, Sheldon? Hi. This came for you today. It's from your mom.
Sheldon: Oh, thank you, Penny.
Penny: M-hmm.
Sheldon: Yeah, wait, here. (Hands Penny a dollar bill) For your troubles.
Penny: Oh, boy, a whole dollar. Now, I can quit my paper route.

Penny: So, what's in it?
Leonard: Mmm, doesn't matter. Half the time, he just ends up playing with the box.

Sheldon: Yeah, it's journals and research papers I wrote as a child.
Penny: Aw, how cute. Is this like a diary?
Sheldon: No, that's my potty training journal.
Penny: Really, your potty training journal?
Sheldon: Yeah. And forgive my crude penmanship. I didn't start typing until I was six.
Penny: August 7, 8:42 a.m. This is humiliating. What was wrong with diapers?
Sheldon: There are some charts in the back where I kept track of shape, color and consistency.
Penny: Oh, disgusting.
Leonard: No, what's disgusting is he's still keeping track.

Sheldon: Yeah, the point is Higgs is being celebrated for work he did 50 years ago, so that got me thinking, perhaps I've already hit upon the idea that will win me my Nobel prize.
Leonard: I didn't know they gave Nobel prizes for making boom-boom in the potty.

Leonard: So, you're going to spend hours and hours combing through all this stuff?
Sheldon: That's a good point. My time is much too valuable. You know, perhaps I should find someone to do it for me. You know, someone with a rudimentary understanding of science, but whose real talents lie in menial labor.
Leonard: Not gonna happen.
Sheldon: Well, if I didn't think you could handle it, I wouldn't be asking.

Sheldon: All right, Ms. Jensen. Uh, before we begin, may I offer you a refreshment? Water, coffee, tea, a marijuana cigarette?
Alex: No, thanks. I'm fine.
Sheldon: Now, are you sure? Everyone's smoking them. I think they're the best.
Alex: I don't do drugs.
Sheldon: Excellent, yeah. That was a ruse. They're not the best. Physics is the best. And by the way, coffee was also an unacceptable choice.