Howard: She really tuckered herself out at the park, huh?
Bernadette: Yeah, you two were so cute playing together.
Howard: It was kind of fun throwing a ball and not having anyone laugh at me.
Bernadette: And you were sweet not to throw it too far so she didn't wear out her tiny legs.
Howard: Yeah, that's what I was doing.

Sheldon: Oh, dear lord, Leonard, look. He's still available for parties and events. We should hire him.
Leonard: Hire him to do what?
Sheldon: Well, whatever we want. Hang out, do experiments, make him take 12 pictures with us so we can make a calendar.

Sheldon: But, um, I did have you. And every day at four o'clock, you'd come to my house on Channel 68, and we'd do science together. If it hadn't been for you, well, who knows what would've become of me? You know? Instead of a world-class physicist, I could've wound up as a hobo. Or a surgeon.
Leonard: I bet there are important discoveries being made every day because you inspired millions of kids to pursue science. In a way, their discoveries are your discoveries.
Sheldon: Yeah, it's true. A generation of young scientists are standing on your shoulders.
Professor Proton: Well, thank, thank you, guys. That, that, that means a lot.

Raj: It's very simple. For breakfast, she has an egg-white frittata. Feel free to give her a choice of home fries or an English muffin, but not both. We're watching our weight. Uh, for dinner, something simple, a veal chop, some scampi, whatever you like.
Howard: Classy dog.
Raj: Yes. Also, don't forget to close the toilet or she'll drink out of it.

Sheldon: If it hadn't been for you, well, who knows what would've become of me. You know? Instead of a world-class physicist, I could've wound up as a hobo. Or a surgeon.

Professor Proton: But I, I do, I do have a favor to, to ask.
Sheldon: Name it.
Professor Proton: Well, I'm, I'm booked to do a children's party tomorrow, and, um, frankly I, you know, I, I don't feel up to it.
Sheldon: Oh, you're not. You look awful.
Professor Proton: Thank you. Anyway, uh, I mean, you know my act better than anybody. I was, I was hoping that maybe, you know, maybe you'd fill in for me.
Sheldon: Are you saying that you want me to be Professor Proton?
Professor Proton: Yeah.
Sheldon: Oh, my. What an honor. Oh, this is like being asked to ascend Mount Olympus and dine with the gods.
Professor Proton: Or a Korean family in Alhambra.
Sheldon: But they'll know I'm not you. Should I call myself Professor Proton, Jr.?
Professor Proton: Sounds great.
Sheldon: So, in a way it's like I'm your son.
Professor Proton: What- Whatever.
Sheldon: Father.
Professor Proton: Sure, what the hell.

Howard: (Skype tone) It's Raj. Stay quiet. Hey, bad timing. Bernadette just took Cinnamon out for a walk.
Raj: Hmm. Interesting. Did they take a walk down Liars' Lane?
Howard: What?
Raj: A lane frequented by liars. Like you, you big liar.

Sheldon: It's happening. Leonard, it's happening. Professor Proton is coming to our house.
Leonard: You're kidding.
Howard: You mean the guy who used to host that lame kids show?
Sheldon: And you just got yourself uninvited. See? I told you I'd find a tactful way to do that.

Professor Proton: I power a clock with a potato.
Penny: Shut up! You can do that? I mean ... wouldn't that solve the world's energy crisis?
Professor Proton: No.

Professor Proton: Look, guys, keep your money. I, I think, uh, I, I think I'm done.
Sheldon: What, well what's wrong? Is she upsetting you? Because I can make her go away.
Professor Proton: No, she, she's the only reason I've, I've stayed this long.

Howard: (To Cinnamon) I feel for ya. I've got a psychotic mommy, too.

Sheldon: Professor Proton hosted my favorite science show when I was a child. I never missed an episode. He demonstrated scientific principles using everyday objects.
Leonard: It was pretty cool.
Penny: Aw, it's so cute when you use the word cool wrong. Like when kids say pasgetti.

Amy: Okay. Well, what I think is going on here is you have a pathological need for closure.
Sheldon: Oh, that's nonsense. I mean, you tell me stories about your day all the time. I don't care how they end.
Amy: You know, I might be able to help you with this. There's a whole field of behavioral neuroscience that examines ways to retrain your neural pathways so stuff like this bothers you less.
Sheldon: Yeah, but I just told you, I don't have a problem with closure.
Amy: You sure about that?
Sheldon: Oh, quite sure. (Amy performs a knocking pattern but stops before completing it. Sheldon finishes it off.) That proves nothing.

Raj: I was Googling that girl I've been dating, and I found her blog.
Howard: Cool. Anything juicy?
Raj: She said she recently went on a date with a guy named Roger? And he's Indian? And he's an astrophysicist, too?
Howard: You know what's going on, don't you?
Raj: Mummy was right. American girls are sexually voracious devils.

Raj: Uh, Lucy's coming over. I need some advice.
Howard: However long you think the foreplay should be, triple it.
Raj: Just tell me which one you think is more manly. This hockey jersey or this football jersey.
Howard: I don't know. Go with hockey.
Raj: Good, black is more slimming. Oh, that's her. I got to go be butch. Toodles.