Penny: (On the phone) No, Dad. I don't think they cut me out of the show because I was too pretty. No, I don't need you to come out and kick Mark Harmon's ass.

Amy: Do you have any idea how hard it is to laugh at a knock knock joke that starts "Knock Knock Knock, Amy. Knock Knock Knock, Amy. Knock Knock Knock, Amy"?

Leonard: (on the phone) Yes, how much for 100 long-stem red roses? Really? How much for three?

Stuart: How about those guys on that bench over there? They look pathetic. Maybe we could talk to them.
Raj: That's a mirror.

Bernadette: (Shouting from the bathroom) How many times do I have to tell you to replace the toilet paper when it's empty?
Howard: I'm in the middle of something.
Bernadette: So am I!

Leonard: Hey, can we talk?
Penny: We can, but the part of Penny might get cut.

Leonard: Okay, listen to me, this is just a minor setback.
Penny: No, it's not, okay? I've been out here for, like, ten years. I've nothing to show for it.
Leonard: Well, you have me.
Penny: You're right. I do have you. Mm. Let's get married.
Leonard: What?
Penny: Ooh. Leonard Hofstadter, will you marry me?
Leonard: Um…
Penny: Did you seriously just say um?
Leonard: Look, you know I love you but, but you're, you're drunk and sad and feeling lost.
Penny: Okay, so, so you don't want to marry me?
Leonard: That is not what I said.
Penny: No, forget it. I take it back. Offer's off the table.

Penny: Aww, that's great. You're going to be an uncle. Uncle Sheldon.
Sheldon: No, I will be Uncle Dr. Cooper.

Sheldon: I never told you about my brother's kidney stones. Do you want hear about everything that comes out of my family's genitals?

Sheldon: Well, she's due to tomorrow. But it did take her six years to finish high school, so who knows.

Leonard: All right, here's the deal. Sheldon is gone so the tree decorating rules are out the window.
Penny: Which means we don't have to use his ridiculous ornament spacing template.
Leonard: And I'm happy to report its Kickstarter campaign is holding steady at $0.

Raj: So Star Trek and Star Wars characters can go on the same branch?
Leonard: I know, it's crazy. Welcome to the Thunderdome, people!

Howard: I've never done this before, it's kinda fun.
Raj: Yeah, if your mom could see her little Bar Mitzvah boy, she'd have a heart attack.
Bernadette: Good idea. I'll take a picture.

Stuart: Hello. Oh good, I'm glad you guys didn't wait for me to start. Although you said seven and it's seven. It's fine!

Sheldon: The second I go out of town, you throw a Christmas party without me?
Amy: Yeah, kinda.
Sheldon: That's so thoughtful. You guys are the best.