Amy: It would be nice to be with a man who wants to know what's underneath my cardigan. FYI, it's another cardigan.

Raj: I mean, if I were hitting on you, you’d know it 'cause you'd feel uncomfortable and a little sad for me.

Raj: If you like dry, factual statement interspersed with awkward silence, it was bananas.

Raj: Who died and made you the king of moments?

Sheldon: I want you to be happy, too. But not enough to do anything about it.

Amy: Maybe tomorrow morning we put on some hot pants and see if we could score us some free omelettes.

Leonard: Sheldon, it's not a great time. What do you want?
Sheldon: (on the phone in the apartment) Hello to you, too. I'm sorry, but this is important.
Leonard: What is it?
Sheldon: Back to the Future II was in the Back to the Future III case, and Back to the Future III was, get this, in the Back to the Future II case.
Leonard: So?
Sheldon: So, did you do that, or am I in the house with an intruder?

Penny: What's the matter?
Sheldon: Um, well, I was worried that you might be missing Leonard. And that might be causing you to have bad dreams, like the kind you'd get if you watched Clash of the Titans right before you went to bed.
Penny: Sweetie, did you have a bad dream?
Sheldon: To be honest, I did.
Penny: Aww.
Sheldon: Back to the Future II was in the Back to the Future III case. Leonard did it.

Raj: I think you'd be pleased to hear that this morning in the parking garage I saw this oil stain on the ground that was shaped just like my ex-girlfriend, Lucy, and I didn't get upset at all.
Howard: I'm proud of you.
Raj: Well, you should be, 'cause she was looking good.

Sheldon: Dear Lord, you're an astronomer. Although you may have earthly woes, get your mind back on the stars. Gee, even the lowly dung beetle chooses to plot its course by using the Milky Way.
Raj: Is that true?
Sheldon: Everything I say is true. Now, of course, the dung beetle also enjoys eating feces, living in feces and making little balls out of feces, so, you know, pick and choose which aspects of its lifestyle you want to embrace.

Bernadette: (on the phone) Howie, stop. I can't talk like that. Amy's right here.
Amy: (on the phone) Sheldon, stop. For the last time, I will not bring home bed bugs.
Bernadette: The hotel's nice. There's a pool, a gym, the bar looks like fun.
Amy: Because I looked in the bed, and there are no bugs.
Bernadette: Aw, I love you, too. If I don't talk to you before you go to sleep, I'll meet you in dreamland.
Amy: Good night. No, I will not consider sleeping in my garment bag.

Penny: Why don't you just admit you only want to play this game because you always play it with Leonard and you miss him?
Sheldon: You overestimate his significance in my life. Do I miss how he makes a face on my toaster waffle with syrup? No. Do I miss the way he fixes the zipper on my jacket when it gets stuck? I don't think so. Do I miss how we say good night to each other through the walls of our bedroom using Morse code? (taps out "no" in morse code)

Sheldon: By the way, how are you with zippers?
Penny: Why?
Sheldon: Well, I really need to go to the bathroom, and this ones gone all cattywampus.

Howard: Check it out. Mrs. Davis from Human Resources is here. She's probably on the lookout for sexual harassment.
Raj: Oh, great. There go my chances of being sexually harassed.

Bernadette: I was thinking of going to the lecture on posterior cingulate cortex lesions in the formation of autobiographical memory.
Amy: Oh, brain lesions are fascinating. Unless they're yours, then they're a drag. Bernadette: To the advancement of science.
Amy: And to the sick and dying who make it possible.