Howard: So I have a dominant personality. We all know that.
Bernadette: I'm sorry. What do we know?
Howard: In social groupings, I just naturally wind up in charge.
Bernadette: Don't take this the wrong way, but how many of these little booze balls have you had?

Howard: First take a picture with me.
Bernadette: Why?
Howard: Well, Raj and I always talked about learning how to make cocktails like this together, so I taught myself and I'm putting this on Instagram so he can see it and feel like a turd. Say cheese!

Bernadette: What's going on in here?
Howard: I am making molecular cocktails. This sphere is actually a cosmopolitan.
Bernadette: Oh. How do you drink it?
Howard: Just put it in your mouth and pop it like a zit.

Penny: I like pharmaceutical sales. It's going great, but I have an audition for a movie, and if I get it, it could screw everything up.
Sheldon: Hmm. I know exactly what you should do. Unfortunately, I cannot tell you.

Sheldon: How about we split the difference and discuss why Austria was an arch-duchy and not just a regular duchy?

Sheldon: Here are some topics that interest me. Quantum mechanics, trains, flags--
Penny: No, no, it's about my acting career.
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry, that's not on the list.

Penny: *using Sheldon's knock* Sheldon? Sheldon? Sheldon? *Sheldon answers with a suspicious and smiling look on his face*
Sheldon: I bet that started off as a joke, but by the third one, you realized there was something strangely enjoyable about it.
Penny: Yeah, I kind of wanna do it again.
Sheldon: I don't recommend it. You'll be doing it the rest of your life.

Leonard: How do you want to start?
Raj: I don't know. How do you want to start?
Leonard: I don't know. Should we call Sheldon and Howard?
Raj: No, we can do this by ourselves.
Leonard: Great. How do you want to start?
Raj: I don't know. How do you want to start?

Raj: What makes them think they're always in charge of everything?
Leonard: They're alpha males.
Raj: What does that make us?
Leonard: We could be betas. They're second in charge.
Raj: Okay, that sounds good.
Leonard: Or we could be omegas. They get pushed around by the alphas and the betas.
Raj: Okay, that sounds like us.

Leonard: Just this morning, Sheldon wouldn't let me put almond milk on my Grape-Nuts because he said it was a theoretical nut conflict.
Raj: You should've told him to mind his own business.
Leonard: Yeah. That's better than what I did say, which was, "Fine, I'll eat them with club soda."

Raj: Exactly what I expected. Two people forcing their ideas on me and only one gentleman who could be bothered to ask me what my thoughts were. You two are out. Congratulations, Leonard, you're on the team.
Leonard: My mommy raised a gentleman.

Sheldon: You can't breathe our air without an inhaler. He's allergic to Earth nuts, but I'm the alien.

Raj: You guys know the new discovery class missions that NASA's been working on?
Howard: Yeah.
Raj: Well, they're looking to include a message from Earth in case one of them is encountered by alien life.
Leonard: When I encountered alien life, I discovered that the key thing was not to sit in its spot.

Sheldon: Do either of you know Beyonce? I'd love her to get behind it.

Sheldon: Perhaps you'd prefer this one. The itzy-bitzy spider is not an insect at all. Because it has eight legs and two body parts.