Howard: When he gets home, I'm dropping the hammer.
Bernadette: Ooh, I like when you take charge.
Howard: Oh, I'm not taking charge. You're the hammer.

Sheldon: But I have been getting better with sarcasm, if you want to give that a try.
Amy: *sarcastic* Oh, sure, I'd love to.
Sheldon: Whenever you're ready.

Raj: You guys ever notice that Emily has a bit of a twisted side?
Bernadette: You mean 'cause she has weird tattoos?
Raj: No, because she wants to have sex with me in a graveyard.

Bernadette: I think if Raj wants to break up with a girl, he can do it.
Howard: How are you saying that with a straight face?
Bernadette: *laughs* I don't know.

Penny: Thanks for cooking.
Leonard: My pleasure.
Penny: That carrot was delicious.
Leonard: Yeah. I wish I'd fought harder for the rest of 'em.

Stuart: I felt bad for finishing your yoghurt, so I bought more. And, Howard, your favourite fruit is in season. Crunch Berries.
Bernadette: Don't let that sway you.
Howard: It's hard not to. They taste so much better than real berries.

Amy: Sheldon, do you understand the irony of your fixation on a man with super speed, while after five years all I can get out of you is a distracted make-out session on a couch?
Sheldon: Irony's not really my strong suit.

Emily: Look, Raj, be honest with me. If you want to end things, just do it. Don't expect me to do it for you.
Raj: End things? I'm trying to tell you that I love you.

Penny: Hey, I don't think she's wrong about you going too slow in the relationship.
Sheldon: Too slow?
Penny: Yeah, you've been going out for years. You haven't even slept together.
Sheldon: That's right. It's called foreplay.

Raj: Hey, you should totally get it. In fact, I'll buy it for you.
Stuart: Sold!
Emily: Raj, you don't have to do that.
Stuart: Too late! No returns!

Sheldon: Oh, good. You're here. I need your assistance.
Leonard: Can it wait until I put a Band-Aid on a goat bite?

*Stuart's phone rings*
Howard: You need to take that?
Stuart: It's just my dad, probably calling to wish me a happy birthday. I'll call him back. You were saying?

Penny: Wait, what is wrong with you two? He was talking about television during their date night.
Sheldon: Oh, not just date night. Our 5th anniversary.
Penny: Okay, see, that's even dumber than you wondering if being bitten by a goat would give you the powers of a goat.
Sheldon: If that happens, don't make me wait ten years to watch you eat a tin can.

Penny: Wow, there's a Denny's in Vegas you can actually get married in.
Leonard: Doesn't sound very romantic.
Penny: Yeah, but we could get heart-shaped pancakes.

Sheldon: What happened?
Penny: Your buddy got mugged by some baby farm animals.
Sheldon: Been there.