Leonard: Buddy, I get that you're worried about me and I appreciate that, but I'm not going to die.
Sheldon: You don't know that.
Leonard: I do know that it won't be from an asteroid strike.
Sheldon: You know who else said that? Every cocky T-Rex currently swimming around in the gas tank of your car.

Raj: How can I be okay? I come from a broken home!

Sheldon: You're acting odd. Why?
Amy: I'm odd all the time. Everyone knows that. Just last night, I tried to see how many Fava beans I could fit in my mouth.
Sheldon: Tell me the truth.
Amy: 28.
Sheldon: Come on.
Amy: 56.

Amy: It's sweet that you care about him so much.
Sheldon: I do. And I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if something happened to him, and I wasn't at his bedside to say "I told you so".

Sheldon: I assume this medical center's already treated the burns on your bottom from the recent pants fire.
Penny: Cause I'm a liar, liar?
Sheldon: That's for the Fire Marshall to determine.

Sheldon: It's an earthquake. I knew it.
Penny: Sheldon, it's just a little tremor.
Sheldon: A little tremor that turns routine sinus surgery into a frontal lobotomy.

Howard: I really don't like how your wings poke me when we sleep because you're an angel.

Howard: I love that I'm a slob around here and you're kinda okay with that.
Bernadette: Uh-huh. And I love that I work and do all the cleaning and you're okay with that.

Sheldon: Wow, I don't know which hurts more. My nose or my heart.

Amy: Don't be like that. You two need to talk this out.
Penny: Yeah, because you sound really funny.

Bernadette: I love that you take pride in your looks. Even when I have to pee in the morning and you're in there spending an hour on your hair.
Howard: I love that you're too good to pee in the kitchen sink.

Sheldon: Amy, you're a neruobiologist. Get in there and spray some Raid.

Raj: I'm sorry I'm so late. I was on the phone with my mother.
Bernadette: How is she?
Raj: Pretty good. She bought the book "Eat, Pray, Love", and used it to set my father's Mercedes on fire.

Raj: So, what's up with you guys?
Howard: We're just saying all the things we love about each other.
Raj: Oh, like you and I did at couple's therapy?

Sheldon: I ordered it before you had surgery. It's the urn I was going to put you in.
Penny: Okay, that's morbid. Send it back.
Sheldon: I can't send it back. I had it engraved. "Here lie the ashes of Leonard Hofstadter. He thought he was right, but his roommate knew better."