Sheldon: Leonard, have you gotten married yet?
Leonard: No. Why?
Sheldon: Good. Don't do it.
Leonard: Why not?
Sheldon: Some important new information has come to light. Women are the worst. I thought it was paper cuts but I was wrong. No piece of paper ever cut me this deep.

Sheldon: Is Penny crying?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Of course not. They thrive on our suffering.

Leonard: Buddy, I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do?
Sheldon: Yes. If I ever talk about going out with a girl again, roll your eyes at me, like I do to you when you say dumb things.

Penny: So what package are you thinking?
Leonard: This one comes with music and flowers. Oh, they even stream the whole thing live on the Internet.
Penny: Why would we want that?
Leonard: Because, there's a lot of gorgeous blondes out there who don't believe they can land a short, near-sighted scientist. Let's give them hope.

Penny: Whatever. Put us on the Internet. I've always wanted a wedding with a comments section.

Penny: No, I want to. Look, we've put this off long enough. Let's do it.
Leonard: Oh, that's exactly what you said the first time we slept together.